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When my son Noah was first diagnosed on the autism spectrum, I focused like a laser-beam on the deficits, in getting the right services to increase Noah’s ability to communicate, to learn and to function independently. Responding in this way to Noah’s delays was—and continues to be—essential.
But all this emphasis on my son’s limitations overshadows a more important question: Who is Noah? What are the passions and interests that drive him?
In short, what is Noah’s North Star?
To answer this question, I’ve had to wrestle with my ideas of the way things should be. Take, for example, the use of words. Around the time Noah was diagnosed with autism, he had stopped speaking altogether. Thankfully, Noah can now use words to convey most of his needs and wants. But trying to have a more elaborate conversation with him is like pulling teeth. It is clearly effortful and exhausting for him.
It turns out, however, that Noah actually loves words, not for their meaning, but for the way they sound and make rhythms. He loves making up words, and he regularly cracks himself up with phrases that sound funny to him.
To connect with Noah, I’ve had to let go of my insistence that Noah always use words in the right way. The more open I am to experiencing words the way Noah does, the more fun I can have with him.
Which brings me to this number from the Music Man. I can’t remember how Noah and I started doing it. We would take walks together, and instead of slogging through conversations neither one of us enjoyed, we stumbled on this wonderful work featuring words and rhythm. And it has become a source of joy for both of us, and for other people as well.
So what’s next for Noah? I don’t know. All I know is that I look forward to further adventures with Noah’s North Star.
