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Many people struggle with guilt. They may feel guilty about highly personal matters and decisions within their own individual lives and relationships, but they also may feel guilty about local, regional, national, and global matters too.
For example, many people feel guilty about their carbon footprint given the challenges of climate change. Many feel guilty about economic disparity knowing that the gap between the rich and the poor gets wider and wider, faster and faster. Others feel guilty encountering people who are homeless and find it hard to enjoy their $5 coffee drink while walking past a homeless person asking for spare change as they enter or exit the coffee shop. And there are always sad stories on social media about the need to donate money to various charities and causes. Many people find it hard to say no to the girl scouts selling cookies outside of the grocery store too. And many people likely feel that they could be doing more for their parents, siblings, neighbors, favorite causes, and so forth.
Much has been written about eliminating guilt from one’s life and strategies to avoid guilt. Frankly, I believe that these efforts are a bit misguided and perhaps simpleminded. After all, if we didn’t feel at least some guilt about our warming planet, homelessness in our communities, and caring for our elders, for example, we wouldn’t act in productive ways that could help out. We would more likely become part of the problem and not part of the solution. Additionally, we more likely would lose our empathy, compassion, and anger about challenging and unjust problems in society if we eliminated guilt from our lives. Without at least some guilt we might see a homeless person on the street as more of an object than as a human being with a name, a family, and a story that includes hopes and fears, joys and disappointments.
Perhaps the real challenge with guilt is to learn to separate productive from unproductive guilt and then to direct productive guilt in a positive and healthy direction. Certainly, no one individual is likely to eliminate societal problems like homelessness, economic disparity, and climate change. Giving a few dollars to a homeless person on the way in or out of the coffee shop or grocery store isn’t really going to make a big difference in their lives or with the general problem of homelessness. Recycling a paper bag, bottle, or can or biking to work rather than driving a car isn’t going to stop or reverse climate change. Small actions may help us to relieve some feelings of guilt but they don’t solve big problems. Of course, any behavior in the right direction is better than no behaviors in the right direction.
So rather than trying to eliminate guilt, how about directing it into productive action? Channel the guilt to demand more from our politicians or others who could help solve societal problems. Channel the guilt to ensure that others are treated with respect and dignity. Letting guilt overwhelm or consume us isn’t helpful but acknowledging it and directing it towards positive actions can make feelings of guilt worthwhile. We can acknowledge our guilt feelings, separate the productive vs unproductive parts of those feelings, and ask ourselves how we can better act out of guilt productively. Thus, don't try to rid yourself of guilt but redirect it.
So what do you think?
Copyright 2020, Thomas G. Plante, Ph.D., ABPP
