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Key points
- In an overly-curated world, you can stand out in many different ways.
- Being yourself is much easier than being someone else. Few choose this path.
- We can learn a lot about authenticity from an Irish songstress with a transcendental voice.
In an Instagram world of overly curated pouts and poses, why do so many of us conceal our true selves? Is it more attractive to role-play another’s life? Is it too risky to de-Zorro ourselves? Do we fear falling short of being the ideal partner, leader, parent or colleague — whatever that may be?
It’s hard to be yourself in an era of conspicuous consumption and contrived curation. Yes, the perfect self is rewarded with accolades, promotions, awards, and trophies. But this requires considerable mental effort, time, and money that could be better spent elsewhere.
Few choose the easier path: being your maskless self. Complicated singer-songwriter Sinéad O’Connor was one such individual, a fearless feminist as feisty as she was fragile.
For me, a simple lesson stands out as her legacy: the value of being yourself.
The Value of Authenticity
Authenticity is not without risk of conflict, misjudgement, rejection or emotional exhaustion. Free spirits speak without dread of social isolation. Their sense of identity doesn’t come from others; it comes from within. In many respects, it’s a privilege to licence yourself to speak as others wouldn’t dare.
O'Connor was ahead of her time. In the 1980s, she did what many powerholders do today – campaigned for justice. Defying conformity in a world that demanded silence was courageous. Like artists from Elvis to the Beatles, this singular maverick defied convention to answer questions and question answers.
She famously ripped up a picture of Pope John Paul II in protest against Catholic Church abuse. In the Nothing Compares documentary, she explains, “The Church produced my mother” who was described as “a beast” that her child needed to soothe. Of the ensuing condemnation, she said, “I regret that I spent so many years isolated because of it" — especially when she was proven right.
Being true to yourself earns a special place in the hearts of others. Why? Most people covet and admire freedom of expression — the power to tell it as it is and not fret about others’ opinions. People secretly enjoy outspoken irreverence, whether from the class clown, a comedian, or a politician.
A courageous voice is not just respected, it’s envied.
It’s a liberty most people deny themselves – and regret. When an Australian nurse recorded the regrets of the dying, what was most cited? Neither Ferraris nor Facebook followers. Instead, “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected.”
The Art of Reinvention
Knowing who you are and what you want helps. When one music producer told the trailblazer O'Connor to grow long hair and wear short skirts, psychological reactance set in: She shaved her head.
Many of us reinvent ourselves. It explains why we’re a composite of identities. In O'Connor's lifelong search for stability and identity, she married four times, converted to a Tridentine priestess and, a decade later, to Islam. Living up to her Muslim name, Shuhada Sadaqat, meaning “witnesses to truth,” she spoke up for victims of religion or racism everywhere.
“I didn’t want to be a pop star, I wanted to be a protest singer," she said, and she earned that right. She was recently described as “a non-violent soldier ready to fight for any of us who needed help.”
In any reincarnation, the authentic self is universally admired. Even the media tempered their acidic bullets for O'Connor, aware that this was a vulnerable mother suffering since the devastating suicide of her son last year. Just before her death, she wrote: "Been living as undead night creature … He was the love of my life."
A Brand Legacy
Her passing evoked an outpouring of empathy, from strangers as much as fans. A similar phenomenon happened when Queen Elizabeth II and Tina Turner passed. Why? We’re drawn to those who mirror our beliefs and aspirations. Familiar public figures feel like an extension of our lives and we crave "reliable constants."
Amidst any feeling of loss is an opportunity to gain perspective. In an overly curated world, Sinéad O’Connor epitomized how being true to yourself is the most potent asset you have. It’s why figures like Muhammad Ali, Madonna, and Nelson Mandela have stood the test of time. And why Oscar Wilde advocated, “Just be yourself, everyone else is taken.“
Is there a revival of the authentic self? Popular leadership books, self-help gurus and costly courses espouse the benefits. Even corporations urge you to bring your whole self to work.
Sinéad O’Connor once filled a hospital wall scribbling the words, “I just want to be heard.”
This once-in-a-generation talent has now been heard and her voice will live on. Her legacy underscores the value of nurturing enough confidence to live a life true to yourself, not the life others expect.
It can start today.
