Is Too Much Empathy Bad for You?

In recent years, there has been a great deal of discussion about empathy. It has been argued that a lack of empathy has led to several social problems, including divisiveness among groups of people, problems in personal relationships, alienation of employees in the workplace, and general incivility.

Yes, empathy is an important human quality that allows us to show compassion, care about others, and provide assistance to those who need it. Yet empathy is also a complex construct, and it isn’t as simple as “more empathy is better.” There are different types of empathy, and some are more important than others.

Psychologist Mark Davis has suggested that there are three important types of empathy. Let’s explore each type and the implications for each.

Perspective-Taking

This is a more cognitive form of empathy, and it involves being able to see things from another's point of view. This helps us understand where other people are coming from–their attitudes, viewpoints, and emotions, to some extent.

Our research shows that perspective-taking is very important in social interactions and for leaders because they need to understand the people they lead and manage to motivate them effectively.

Empathic Concern

This is what we most commonly think of as being empathic. It is being able to “read” other people’s emotions and feelings and to feel appropriate concern for them. This is the kind of empathy that is important for counselors and therapists. They need to be attuned to clients’ feelings but not actually experience the other’s emotions. It is partly emotional and partly cognitive.

Personal Distress (“I feel your pain”)

The third type of empathy is what Davis labels “personal distress.” This is vicariously experiencing another’s emotions. Their emotional arousal triggers a sympathetic reaction in us. If they are happy, we feel happy; if they're sad, we cry with them—their anxiety raises our anxiety level. We all experience personal distress, but too much of it may not be a good thing. Some people are so prone to feeling others' emotional states that they become battered by the feelings and emotions of others (thus the label of "distress").

These three types of empathy represent different aspects of our personalities. A person high in perspective-taking may be good at understanding others' points of view but may not get very involved in others' emotions. As suggested, an individual high in personal distress can be prone to experience others' emotional states, which have good and not-so-good aspects.

In reality, we all have some level of each of the types of empathy. The key is to understand how we are empathic with others and realize the strengths and limitations of each type of empathy.