Optimize Life With the Effort Sweet Spot

Effort can be fun

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“Right Diligence is nourished by joy and interest. If your practice does not bring you joy, you are not practicing correctly.” —Thich Nhat Hahn

Are you a perfectionist? Or a slacker? Do you wish you could relax and let things go? Or perhaps you wish you had a few more f*&#ks to give? It seems we often find ourselves leaning too far in one direction or another.

It can be hard to find the sweet spot: that point at which we live meaningfully, feel proud of our accomplishments, and are motivated to keep going, yet we let go of what doesn't matter. Kendra Adachi, author and podcaster, calls this a "lazy genius." Being a genius about what matters to us and lazy about what doesn't.

Kendra Adachi isn't the first soothsayer to offer wisdom on finding this elusive sweet spot. The sixth teaching of the Buddha's eightfold path refers to "right effort" or "right diligence" and speaks specifically to this skill.

One might expect that a Buddhist precept about effort is likely to demand diligence and an exacting degree of effort in all areas of our lives. Something approaching perfection is needed for enlightenment, right? Actually, no. According to the Buddha, our effort and motivation are nourished with passion and joy, not deprivation or rigid adherence to rules. As usual, the Buddha proposes a middle way.

The middle way described in the teachings about right effort includes actual effort. The guitar strings must be tuned tightly to create the ideal strumming sound. But if they are wound too tightly, the strings break.

Accordingly, the Buddha taught us to channel our energy toward life's wholesome, nourishing aspects, including love, fun, pleasure, and meaning. This nourishment requires time, attention, and intentionality in our daily lives. We also actively withdraw energy from the negative, toxic aspects of life that hinder our progress, such as behaviors that harm ourselves or others, anger and judgment, worry, or procrastination.

In short, according to the right effort, our daily task is to pay attention to what choices move us forward and which hold us back. As we observe and learn, we adjust our behavior accordingly, little by little. Nothing dramatic or dogmatic.

In fact, the rules are pretty lax. You decide what your goals are, what is nourishing and wholesome, and what is negative and toxic to you. The demand is primarily to pay attention, use your limited, energetic resources wisely, and commit to making choices that move you in the right direction.

So, how can you implement these guidelines in your own life?

1. Clarify your values and goals. What is wholesome and nourishing in your life may not be the same for me. Many of us share the following values and goals, however: caring for those we love and for ourselves, contributing meaningfully in our work and to our communities, growing and challenging ourselves, feeling inspired, etc.

Pick one or two that feel most resonant for you. Consider how much effort you put into prioritizing these aspects of life. Where is there room for improvement? For example, do you claim your connection with your kids is your top priority, but you find yourself grumpy and impatient with them most days? Many of us experience this.

Consider how you can more consistently align your efforts with your values. For example, you could commit to taking five minutes of deep breaths or a short walk after work and before picking up your children so that you show up to see them refreshed. You could go to sleep 30 minutes earlier so you aren't so tired. You could ask for more help from your partner.

You could also work with a therapist to address other issues contributing to irritability. All these take effort, but being a patient parent pays off in countless ways. This is a wise place to increase our efforts.

2. Identify hindrances. Notice the hindrances to your progress. The time and resources spent on worry and fear, avoidance, anger, or judgment. These thoughts, emotions, and behaviors slow our progress by stealing energy we could otherwise spend nurturing the wholesome aspects of life.

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Even a seemingly innocuous habit like listening to endless podcasts (ahem) can rob us of time for mental rest, relaxation, and concentration. Spend a week noticing which activities and behaviors are not serving your interests. Is there anything you can immediately cut out of your routine?

For example, you could commit to speaking only kind words for one week. No complaining, judging, or gossiping. See how that feels. If you routinely criticize yourself for overeating or other mistakes, commit to not criticizing yourself for one week. Instead, practice self-compassion when you make a mistake. See what happens.

3. Prioritize your energy. You have a limited supply of energy. We all do. So, we must intentionally select how we will allot our energy each day, week, month, etc. Usually, the best way to do this is to begin by doing less. Take a break from all nonessential busyness. Then, build activities back in slowly, noticing what serves your priorities and what doesn't.

The point is not to strive for perfection. The point is to use your precious time wisely. Some weeks, this could mean allocating more time to pleasure and socialization. Other weeks, what's nourishing is time alone, organizing, or getting work done. The point is to tune in to see what's needed and make choices aligned with those priorities. This often means planning time for what matters and saying "no" to what doesn't. You can't do it all.

4. Make it a daily commitment. It can be hard to hold big, lofty goals in mind for long periods. Inevitably, we get sucked into the daily demands of life and slide into old habits or make choices for convenience. When we set intentions at the start of each day or set reminders to check in with them at various points throughout the day, we offer ourselves the gift of a reset.

We check back in, remind ourselves of what matters, and then have fresh eyes to make better choices. Give yourself a few minutes in the morning to remind yourself what matters and what you're striving for. Set a reminder on your phone at midday to check back in.

Or, make a vision board and keep it somewhere you frequent (move it around now and then so that your eyes continue to see it.). Each day, allow a few minutes to clear your mind on what matters most.

5. Meditate. Meditation is the right effort in action. During meditation, we must find a balance between attention and relaxation. Sitting too rigidly or being too punitive when our minds wander is not helpful for meditation, nor is lying down and letting sleep overtake us.

We must actively find that effort sweet spot again and again as we sit in meditation. We lose our way, and we find it again. Locating the sweet spot feels like effort—it's not "easy"—but it also feels good and right. Even pleasurable. Familiarizing ourselves with these sensations during meditation eventually translates into wisdom we can bring into our daily lives.

Whether you consider yourself a slacker or a perfectionist, small steps toward the right effort can make a powerful, positive impact. Best wishes as you undertake this journey.