Autism, Adolescence, and the Creation of an Identity

At a young age, I asked my parents if they had adopted me. A common question. My twist: Had I been adopted from an alien family?

Like many neurodivergent people, I struggled significantly to fit in and often felt I didn't belong. I felt allured by the fantasy that there might be another planet of beings with whom I would feel more in common and who might be more welcoming of me.

Alas, no mothership arrived, and as I accepted my human-ness, I took strides to adapt.

I wanted to be a "good kid." So, in grade school, I memorized classroom rules. Still, somehow, my name seemed permanently etched on the blackboard.

As middle school rolled around, I wondered if joining cheer could be a gateway into the social hierarchy. I attended their orientation seminar. Yet, when my question of whether I could write a cheer for my dog instead of the school stood greeted by laughter and jabs rather than a serious answer, I knew I held no potential for the squad.

Most adolescents have a squiggly self-discovery journey. Mine proved to be especially so. Yet, in my differences, I came to embrace authenticity. Today, I feel a strong sense of self-direction and confidence in who I am.

Autism, Identity, and Adolescence

In addition to my personal experiences, I have often encountered an interweave between autism and one's sense of self in my work as a therapist. It's common for me to be told tales of masking to such an extent that one does not know what the true self is or what the mask is. In the same vein, I've noticed at times that my autistic adolescent clients seem to experience a different pattern of identity development than my neurotypical clients.

Research suggests that relationships are often integral in identity development throughout our development (Ragelienė, 2016). We learn about ourselves, in part, through what we observe in others and how we relate to them. In a world that is not always friendly to people who are different, autistic people often struggle with friendship and communication. It's natural to imagine that this could affect one's path of self-exploration.

While it is tricky to measure constructs like identity, we can understand how someone is doing with this through adjacent concepts such as self-esteem. A study of 272 autistic adults found that, as a whole, autistic participants reported lower levels of self-esteem than neurotypical ones (Cooper et al., 2017). The same study found that autistic adults who had an identification with autism had higher levels of self-esteem.

In a quest for acceptance, some autistic individuals try to mask their autistic traits, instead mimicking neurotypical social behaviors. For example, choosing to make eye contact—even if someone finds it distracting—because it is socially expected would be one form of masking. Unfortunately, this strategy can backfire. Research involving 223 autistic adults found that those who engaged in more of these masking behaviors as a whole had a more stigmatized view of autism and a lower sense of well-being (Perry et al., 2022).

Unmasking, or letting go of these camouflaging behaviors, can be helpful to improving autistic mental health. While a person might not always feel safe showing their true self, taking moments to experiment, for example, by sharing openly about a highly specialized interest that might not be so mainstream, or disclosing an autism diagnosis in safe places, are ways to begin unmasking.

Autism as an Identity

Some have suggested that autism is in itself an identity, believing that seeing one's self as an autistic person with full acceptance of the diversity of experiences that could bring is a way of engaging in authenticity.

Case in point: A survey of 728 autistic adults found that 83 percent preferred to be called "autistic" as opposed to "people with autism" (Taboas, 2023), illustrating a preference for autism being a part of who someone is rather than as something someone has. Research has shown that developing an identity that includes autism is correlated with positive mental health outcomes, engagement with the autism community, and overall well-being (Davies et al., 2024).

Still, with misunderstandings around autism and the risk of stereotyping, not all people given an autism diagnosis want to be seen through the lens of autism. A study of 14 autistic youth found that many elected not to receive autism-specific school support, for example, as a way of feeling more typical (Mesa and Hamilton, 2022). It appears that the view a person has of autism is significant in how identifying with the diagnosis affects them.

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Accepting one's autism can also open someone to a world of information on how autistic brains often operate and adaptive strategies for common difficulties like executive functioning or coping with confusing social scenarios. Improving our understanding of how we think through access to information like this can be highly liberating.

3 Ways That Adults Can Encourage Autistic Adolescents

1. Encourage participation in special interest groups. Many autistic youths find it easier to connect in the context of specialized interests. Gatherings around a particular topic, such as Dungeons and Dragons campaigns or Scholar Bowl meets, provide more structured opportunities for interaction. Introducing spaces gives a more targeted chance for a positive social experience.
2. Demonstrate appreciation for differences. It's typical for communities to champion a school's sports teams or academic achievements. Yet, many talents are not as well spotlighted. Bringing energy and encouragement around a youth's unique interests, even ones that might be esoteric, like an interest in bugs, shows that these pursuits are also worthwhile. Similarly, highlighting neurodivergent role models inspires a bright outlook on differences. Youth who don't fit into the typical type of mold are likely to find this inviting.
3. Educate youth on autism from a neurodiversity-affirming standpoint. The concept of neurodiversity postulates that all ways of experiencing the world are valuable and that focusing on inclusion often means adapting a person's environment to their way of being. This is in contrast to a stance that views autism as a disease to be eradicated. Discussing autism from this perspective with particular highlight on the voices of autistic adults is empowering. Several resources for youth and families, including books, videos, and even social connection groups exist with a neurodiversity-affirming message.

Conclusion

Autistic identity development is often complex. Practicing being one's authentic self, accessing support, meeting other neurodivergent peers, and taking steps toward accepting oneself are some milestones for the trip. A neurodiversity-affirming outlook can also help along the way.