Being Present Takes Practice

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We’ve all been there. After a rough day at work, you rush home to work on a to-do list that feels insurmountable.

Loved ones want your attention because they haven’t seen you all day. Yet, being present with them feels impossible because you are distracted by everything that needs to get done.

As achievers, we work ourselves to exhaustion in a valiant attempt to complete our to-do lists. By the end of the day, we can barely muster enough energy to plop on the couch where we mindlessly fall for the usual vices–junk food, alcohol, and Netflix reruns, while scrolling on our phones.

The outcome of this pattern is guilt because we know it is not good for us. Not to mention, it lasts longer than anticipated and takes away from precious sleep.

You cannot break this cycle by working harder on your to-do list. After all, your list has morphed into a mythological Hydra with no end in sight. Every time you complete a task, new ones take its place.

The solution is to gain perspective by being mindful. This will help you prioritize what matters most. Investing in yourself and your relationships is more important than checking another box off your to-do list.

Mindfulness is defined as being aware of how you are experiencing the present moment without judgment. The benefits of mindfulness include being less stressed and emotionally reactive, having better focus, and enjoying greater relationship satisfaction. Being mindful will keep you anchored as different work and social obligations pull you in different directions.

If you want to be more mindful but don’t know how to get there, don’t despair. Mindfulness can be cultivated by consistently engaging in mindful activities.

Here are five ways to be more mindful:

1. Check in with your body. We are often unaware of how much tension our bodies hold. Most frequently, I observe people hold tension in their upper back and neck muscles as they unconsciously keep their shoulders shrugged towards their ears. Additional physical signs can include shallow breathing, talking faster, and fidgeting with your feet.

In such situations, I ask people to press pause and notice how anxiety is manifesting in their bodies. I ask them to release some of the physical tension by taking a few deep breaths or stretching their tense muscles. This intervention lasts a few minutes but has an immediate impact on reducing one’s anxiety levels.

As part of your daily routine, consider setting a few minutes aside to notice how your body feels. Notice your breathing rate and whether any body parts feel achy because they are tense. You may even set an alarm on your phone as a reminder to engage in this brief, yet effective, intervention.

2. Practice mindfulness. The job of your brain is not to make you happy. Its job is to protect you by looking for what can wrong. Not being present is the essence of anxiety. When anxiety strikes, we worry about what can wrong in the future or how past events may ultimately hurt us.

Mindfulness meditation is the practice of being mindful. Starting a meditation practice is not complicated. Find a quiet room where you can sit comfortably for five minutes. Close your eyes and focus on the quality of your breath.

This exercise sounds simple but is difficult to execute. Your brain will resist staying in the present moment as it generates a cascade of random thoughts, ranging from what needs to be completed on your to-do list to existential matters like the meaning of life. When you notice your brain wander away, gently bring it back to your breath.

The goal of this exercise is not necessarily to maintain your focus on your breath for its entirety. The goal is to become more aware by noticing when your brain wanders away and to return your attention to your breath in a nonjudgmental manner.

3. Slow down to savor the small moments. In our haste to keep up with competing responsibilities, we miss out on daily opportunities for pleasure and connection. Though small and seemingly mundane, these opportunities are meaningful.

As an example, I worked with someone who would rush home after a hard day of work to get a head start on their evening to-do list. While working together, I asked them to consider the impact of taking the longer, scenic way home. Would that extra five or 10 minutes in their commute negatively affect their ability to spend time with loved ones and complete their evening responsibilities?

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Interestingly, they enjoyed taking the scenic route home. Slowing down to savor the scenery allowed them to process work stressors and let go of negative feelings before arriving home. This helped them be more present with loved ones and effective in completing their evening responsibilities.

These small moments are scattered throughout the day. They may include slowing down to enjoy a meal, chatting with a colleague for a few minutes, or taking pleasure in a warm shower for a few extra minutes. Though brief, these moments can have a positive impact on your day.

4. Disconnect from technology. Our smartphones can be addicting. We often spend more time on them than we care to admit. Being present is difficult when you are attached to a phone that rings every time you get an email, text, or social media notification.

Set boundaries with your smartphone. Leave your phone in a different room when you are spending time with family and friends. Before reflexively grabbing your phone, be intentional and ask yourself why are you reaching for your phone.

5. Spend time in nature. Spending time in nature is a great way to be present. Experiencing the awe and beauty of the surrounding environment can be a grounding experience. Nature can put things in perspective by reminding you of the gift of being alive and your place in the greater universe.