Do Your Dog and You Agree About What You Want Them to Do?

The purpose of this brief essay is straightforward and the result of my trying to answer numerous emails and other forms of correspondence about how to be sure that a dog and their human(s) are getting what each wants and needs when they "talk" with one another.

I've been thinking about a simple way for people to assess the psychological and ever-changing dynamics of dog-human interactions for quite a while, and after posting a recent essay stressing that veterinarians need to be aware of what their patients are telling them and be dog literate, it dawned on me that there is an easy way to make these sorts of assessments in a wide variety of situations in which humans are trying to figure out what a dog is telling them. Of course, anyone who chooses to live with a dog must take the time to learn the basics of dog behavior and how they tell us what they're thinking and feeling.¹

A simple method for figuring out if dogs and humans agree with one another

Imagine what's called a 2x2 matrix or sociogram that indicates what dogs and humans are thinking and feeling about a specific situation.² A picture of what this matrix looks like can be seen here along with a discussion of how to become an ethologist.

In the matrix below, there are four different boxes that indicate both the dog and the human like what's happening (1, + +), the dog likes what's happening, but the human doesn't (2, + -), the human doesn't like what's happening but the dog does (3, - +), and both the dog and the human don't like what's happening (4, - -).

Dog (+) Human (-)

Dog (+) 1 2

Human (-) 3 4

Assuming the human knows enough about their (and hopefully) other dogs, it's easy to decide whether the human should do something with the dog. For example, if going to the veterinarian is okay with the dog and the human (++), then they agree with one another and it's fine to take them to the doctor. Likewise, if there were some sort of disagreement (boxes 2 and 3), it would be good idea to figure out how to resolve the differences of opinion before going to the vet. And, if both the dog and the human don't want to do it (box 4), then there is a more serious problem that has to be worked out for each individual before going to the doctor.

The same set of reasoning can be used in a wide variety of situations.³ For example, when deciding whether or not to take a dog to play with friends or to go to a dog park or to a trainer or a groomer, it's important to know what the dog and human are thinking and feeling about what's going on. So, let your dog tell you if they want to go to a dog park and if they tell you they want to go and you're game, then do it. And, if you want to go for whatever reasons and they don't, go alone or not at all.

I fully realize that making these sorts of decisions can be difficult, and that perhaps dragging a dog to the veterinarian when they need medical care is more important than taking them to a dog park or to a trainer. However, becoming a "citizen scientist" and learning what they're telling you is critical to making an accurate assessment of what they're thinking and feeling at a given time. It's a myth that dogs will do whatever we want them to do and love us all the same—they are not unconditional lovers.

Social relationships are also dynamic and by looking at each situation on its own at the time something is happening or going to happen, you also will be able to assess not only what your dog is thinking and feeling, but also what you're thinking and feeling about doing something with them. Dogs can have good and bad days and so too can humans, so what worked Monday might not work on Tuesday. Likewise, what didn't work Monday might work later on.

In addition to constantly assessing what's happening for your dog and for yourself, it's also essential that you understand how your thoughts and feelings are perceived by the dog. Dogs read our minds and hearts—our thoughts and moods very well—using sight, sound, and smells either alone or in combination with one another (called "composite signals"), and if they get the message that you're upset or not keen about going to the vet or doing something else, this will factor into their enthusiasm or hesitancy to do something.

I hope this brief lesson on how to become an ethologist is useful and fun. The least we can do for our canine companions is to learn how they talk to us and tell us what they're thinking and feeling about what's going on or going to happen. When there's a close meshing of what a dog and a human are feeling about a certain situation—if they agree with one another—it's a win-win for all. What could be better?