Communicating With Teenagers Like a Superhero

When talking to teenagers, do you ever wonder what they're thinking when you're trying to tell them something? Whether you’re a parent, a teacher, or an employer, we know how difficult it can be to reach them; teenagers are often preoccupied and don’t always listen. Teenagers often have their own agendas that don’t always align with ours.

In an effort to help you relate better to the adolescents in your life, here’s a simple question to ask yourself: “When communicating with teenagers, are you more like Superman or Spider-Man?” Both of these superheroes have distinct personalities and backgrounds that cause them to see the world very differently.

Let’s start with Superman. It’s common knowledge that Superman is known for his power. After all, he can leap tall buildings in a single bound; he’s faster than a speeding bullet; he can even move so quickly around the Earth that he can cause it to move backward on its axis and he can even reverse time! Talk about power. If you were to meet a Superman or Superwoman, clearly it would be an awe-inspiring moment in your life.

However, for all of Superman’s strengths, he has one flaw when it comes to being able to relate to human beings – and it’s a flaw that he can’t fix — the flaw is that he’s not human. He’s from another planet. He may have been raised by humans and have an understanding of the ways in which human beings operate, but he will always be once removed from the human experience.

Spider-Man, on the other hand, is fully human. He struggles with his self-image and identity. He is unsure of himself. In short, he’s one of us. Much like the adolescent you are trying to reach, teenagers are constantly working on understanding the world around them and finding their identities. They don’t have it all figured out. Due to this uncertainty, they are still searching for answers. It's our task to figure out how to get those answers through to them.

Let’s look at how a superhero like Superman might relate to an adolescent. Most likely, he’d have a paternalistic manner. He’d be kind but authoritative. He’d know best. After all, he’s Superman! However, while Superman would be secure and confident, he would most likely sound like he was lecturing to a teenager. His world view would be quite removed from that of the adolescent he was trying to reach.

Spider-Man, on the other hand, would understand exactly what teenagers are going through. He’s one of them. Spider-Man suffers from all the angst and fears that teenagers often face: he is not confident, he doesn’t feel he necessarily “knows better,” he can truly sync in with adolescents because he’s near their age. Chances are, he would be more inclined to want to hear an adolescent’s point of view and truly listen, which would help gain their trust.

How adults listen and respond to teenagers is very important in getting through to them. Adolescents already have preconceived notions of what adults are going to say, so when they are lectured, it only reinforces their existing views. That’s why Superman might not be the most effective in connecting with teenagers. He is authoritative. He is at a higher level of understanding than they are. He is an adult.

Spider-Man is more in sync. He’s not above the people he protects, he’s aligned with them. In that way, he can relate to adolescents more easily than Superman due to his closer connection to them and their problems. It’s Spider-Man’s ability to empathize and connect with people that would likely make him more effective in his communications. After all, if he can see things from the teenage point of view, he is more likely to understand where they are coming from.

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Continuing the analogy of Superman and Spider-Man, adults can be most effective when they merge the two superheroes and channel their inner Spider-Man and Superman at the same time. The goal is to work toward truly hearing and respecting the teen’s views, values, and judgments, while at the same time bringing an adult’s perspective to the situation. No matter how smart teenagers may be, they lack age and experience. Adolescents see the world from their own limited viewpoints.

When adults can take their experience and couple it with empathy and understanding, they can then start to develop trust with the teenager, which then allows the adolescent to let his or her guard down and truly listen. It’s the inner Spider-Man that can help a teenager feel understood, while the inner Superman reaches them with experience and perspective.