Love and Tell

We all need somebody to lean on, but when trouble brews in your romantic relationship, that somebody is probably not your partner. In a recent national survey, 63 percent of respondents said they had confided in a third party about a problem in a long-term relationship, while 73 percent said that someone else had confided in them. The concerns ranged from "hard problems" like infidelity and substance abuse to "soft problems," such as growing apart or not communicating enough.

Marriage and family therapist Kirsten Lind Seal and colleagues wanted to know what people say when friends and family come to them with relationship problems—and whether it helps. Respondents indicated that poor confidants offer too much advice, focus too much on themselves, or speak too critically about the partner of the confider. Offers of emotional support and perspective were considered more helpful. And the most welcome response? Simply listening.

Most Common Link Between Confiders and Confidants

1. Friends
2. Siblings
3. Coworkers
4. Other family members

Commonly Discussed with Confidants

• Growing apart: 67.5%
• Not being able to talk together: 66.3%
• Not getting enough attention: 63%
• A partner's personal habits: 58.8%
• Possibility of divorce: 57.9%%
• Infidelity: 50.8%
• In-law or relative problems: 46.6%
• Household responsibilities: 41.1%
• Sexual problems: 37.7%
• Emotional abuse: 31.5%
• Physical violence: 27%

Credit: Loreanto/Shutterstock