Can't Do It?

This is for anyone who's been advised to "just do it"-but
can't.

You can't muster the energy or wherewithal to do what everyone-and
maybe even you-knows will lift you out of depression. Then what do you
do?

First, you should know that "just do it" is terrible advice. It's
the kind of advice that makes it far less likely that you will take
action of any kind. At the same time it betrays a gross misunderstanding
on the part of the advice-giver of what goes wrong to create
depression.

You can't "just do it." Still, there are some strategies you can
take that will help you beat back the disorder.

• Stop the shame-blame game for yourself and others.

One effect of being told to "just do it" when you just can't is to
feel deep shame for your inability to do what the rest of the world seems
easily capable of doing. Expecting to act and finding yourself unable to
do so is a big trigger for feelings of inadequacy. You blame yourself for
your failing.

What you need to do instead is to decide to be your own coach while
building energy step by step. You are in training for how to find and
build energy. You will coach yourself at your own pace and over time
build energy to begin to face the problems that caused your depression in
the first place.

• Fight the belief that nothing can be done.

This step involves having an important fight with yourself and
learning how to win. Disputation is a step you take in your own mind,
combatting the notion that your condition is hopeless.

It is the nature of the disorder to make you feel destitute and
helpless. You may not yet personally subscribe to the idea that there is
hope-in which case you will just have to accept it as a matter of trust.
You must recognize that others-many others-have been where you are, and
things have turned around for them. And they will for you too.

• Think of your energy level as a readout on an energy
thermometer graded from 1 to 10 and gauge your energy level.

Zero represents no energy; 10 stands for being fully energized. It
is not possible to take regular steps against depression unless you are
in the 7-10 range. If your energy level is 0-3, then proceed with the
following steps to build enough energy that you can begin to face the
problems.

• Recognize that any constructive action is better than no
action at all.

No step is too small to take. The smallest step could be the most
productive. A small action respects the nature of the illness and how
difficult it can be to take any action when we are significantly
depressed.

The physics of depression decree that any action creates energy.
Movement energizes; typically it gives you more energy than it takes, no
matter how tired you are or how much you don't want to move.

Figure out the smallest step you can take. What qualifies is
anything that you were not doing before. If you haven't talked to another
person in a day, make a telephone call. If you haven't bathed because you
don't care, take a shower. If you can't read because you can't
concentrate, then turn on the television and watch something informative
like a health show.

Action equals energy, and energy equals mastery. Micro-steps are
the beginning of a journey. Like a toddler, you have to crawl before you
can walk. And you have to get used to falling down and picking youself up
again. Eventually you will be able to take charge of your life
again.

• As energy increases, take progressively bigger
steps.

Develop goals and plans to meet them by outlining the steps that
will get you from where you are to where you want to be. Don't go to the
step until you have created more energy.

• Connect to others.

Connecting to other people always creates energy. The human spirit
is energized from human connection. The connection can even be with a
pet, another living being.

If after a week you are still unable to act, then seek an
appointment with a physician. You will likely need an antidepressant to
feed your brain the biological help it needs. Then when the
antidepressant kicks in and helps restore energy, you can begin taking
action steps.

• Do a relationship inventory to identify the energizers in
your life.

Decide whether each person in your circle is an energy-giver or an
energy-drainer. The energy-drainers are relentlessly negative. They do
not understand depression. They tell you to pull yourself together or to
snap out of it. They expect you to perform at previous levels of ativity,
which are impossible for you to achieve now.

For now, avoid them. Set up a protective mechanism so that you do
not get near them. You need to protect yourself until you have developed
or restored better coping mechanisms.

If you are at the beginning phase of creating energy and find it
too difficult to take any steps at all, then go back and readjust your
goals and expectations. They are just too big. Break them down into
microgoals and eventually you will build more energy to take bigger steps
that will eventually lead you out of your depression.