Thinking in Black, White, and Gray

Relationships

Why People in Relationships Often See Things So Differently

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on January 21, 2022

Marital and family therapists are continually amazed by how often good, intelligent people see things completely differently. This post explains some of the reasons why.

Marital and family therapists are continually amazed by how often good, intelligent people see things completely differently. This post explains some of the reasons why.

Relationships

Why Trying to Fix a Relationship Sometimes Makes Things Worse

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on December 24, 2021

There is a common interaction pattern that can wreak havoc in relationships unless you suss it out. Here's how to identify and correct these pernicious feedback loops.

There is a common interaction pattern that can wreak havoc in relationships unless you suss it out. Here's how to identify and correct these pernicious feedback loops.

Stress

The Key to Managing Holiday Stress

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on November 26, 2021

The holiday season can be the best of times or the worst of times, so we need an approach that works with both.

The holiday season can be the best of times or the worst of times, so we need an approach that works with both.

Cognition

Two Parts of the Brain Govern Much of Mental Life

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on November 5, 2021

These two frenemies are responsible for much of our internal conflict—and success. Their competition and collaboration determine much of what goes on in our minds and our lives.

These two frenemies are responsible for much of our internal conflict—and success. Their competition and collaboration determine much of what goes on in our minds and our lives.

Neuroscience

The Core Discovery of Neuroscience: The Mind Is Modular

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on October 8, 2021

Basic neuroscience becomes a tool for self-understanding and self-acceptance when we grasp its central lesson.

Basic neuroscience becomes a tool for self-understanding and self-acceptance when we grasp its central lesson.

Relationships

A Meeting of Minds for Couples in Conflict

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on September 10, 2021

Why arguments with your partner are escalating out of control, and how to avoid this pitfall and argue constructively.

Why arguments with your partner are escalating out of control, and how to avoid this pitfall and argue constructively.

Personality

When Partners' Personality Styles Clash

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on April 14, 2021

Partners can be compatible in many ways but clash because of differences in their personalities. Here’s how to create harmony.

Partners can be compatible in many ways but clash because of differences in their personalities. Here’s how to create harmony.

Decision-Making

Balancing the Needs of Self and Others

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on February 26, 2021

When is it right to be selfish? When is it wrong to be self-sacrificing?

When is it right to be selfish? When is it wrong to be self-sacrificing?

Anxiety

How to Right-Size Your Anxiety

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on January 31, 2021

Anxiety is so unpleasant that sometimes we wish we could just get rid of it, but the real solution is to moderate it enough to be our friend.

Anxiety is so unpleasant that sometimes we wish we could just get rid of it, but the real solution is to moderate it enough to be our friend.

Perfectionism

The Thought Process Underlying Perfectionism

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on December 31, 2020

Perfectionism is not so much a bad thing as too much of a good thing, and dialing it down transforms it into a strength.

Perfectionism is not so much a bad thing as too much of a good thing, and dialing it down transforms it into a strength.

Bias

Dialectical Political Messaging: A Strategy for Democrats?

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on December 1, 2020

If Democrats grasped this principle of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, they could reach out to the other side without losing their base, thus linking moderates and progressives.

If Democrats grasped this principle of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, they could reach out to the other side without losing their base, thus linking moderates and progressives.

Assertiveness

A Recipe for Assertive Behavior

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on November 2, 2020

Everyone believes in assertive behavior, but it is easier said than done. Read this post to find out how.

Everyone believes in assertive behavior, but it is easier said than done. Read this post to find out how.

Motivation

How to Set Goals for Personal Change

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on September 11, 2020

Trying to become a different kind of person doesn't work. Self-improvement succeeds when our goals align harmoniously with our existing personality style.

Trying to become a different kind of person doesn't work. Self-improvement succeeds when our goals align harmoniously with our existing personality style.

Coronavirus Disease 2019

A Dare and a Plea to the Coronavirus Conspiracy Believers

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on August 12, 2020

The science is clear that wearing masks reduces transmission of the coronavirus, but a large segment of the population is unconvinced. Will you help?

The science is clear that wearing masks reduces transmission of the coronavirus, but a large segment of the population is unconvinced. Will you help?

Cognition

How to Assess Black-&-White Thinking in Yourself and Others

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on July 17, 2020

Try this scaling exercise to figure out whether someone’s thinking or behavior has veered from balanced moderation to binary polarization.

Try this scaling exercise to figure out whether someone’s thinking or behavior has veered from balanced moderation to binary polarization.

Cognition

Finding Goldilocks: A Solution for Black-and-White Thinking

Jeremy Shapiro Ph.D. on May 1, 2020

Ancient philosophers and modern mental health experts agree that psychological balance is the key to living well, but that is easier said than done. Read this post to find out how.

Ancient philosophers and modern mental health experts agree that psychological balance is the key to living well, but that is easier said than done. Read this post to find out how.