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Stuck

Why we can't (or won't) move on from bad jobs, bad relationships, and bad habits, and how we can all move ahead.

Emotion Regulation
Childish Adults Feel Pleasure and Pain, but Childishly

S. Rufus on March 21, 2024

When all the other adults in a stressful situation sit calmly, are you the only one who stomps away sobbing? How and when was that emotional learning process derailed?

When all the other adults in a stressful situation sit calmly, are you the only one who stomps away sobbing? How and when was that emotional learning process derailed?

Anxiety
Why Some People Feel Like Everything Is a Test

S. Rufus on December 15, 2023

A Personal Perspective: Feeling like everything is a "test" fuels anxiety and drains the true meaning from many moments.

A Personal Perspective: Feeling like everything is a "test" fuels anxiety and drains the true meaning from many moments.

Personality
The Conundrum of Childish Adults

S. Rufus on December 1, 2023

Mainstream society expresses tolerance, sympathy and forgiveness toward other types of emotional suffering. Yet such compassion is seldom expressed toward emotional immaturity.

Mainstream society expresses tolerance, sympathy and forgiveness toward other types of emotional suffering. Yet such compassion is seldom expressed toward emotional immaturity.

Grief
The Griefs of Childish Adults

S. Rufus on November 9, 2023

Emotional immaturity often stems from deep loss: thresholds never attained and life lessons never learned.

Emotional immaturity often stems from deep loss: thresholds never attained and life lessons never learned.

Parenting
Why Are Childish Adults Childish?

S. Rufus on October 26, 2023

Rather than simply write off childish adults as lost causes, consider that their inability to face challenges in an adult way might result from childhood pain.

Rather than simply write off childish adults as lost causes, consider that their inability to face challenges in an adult way might result from childhood pain.

Self-Esteem
Can Childish Adults Ever Grow Up?

S. Rufus on September 28, 2023

Living in an adult's body while feeling incapable of "acting like an adult" can induce shame, anxiety and low self-esteem. But it's not our fault.

Living in an adult's body while feeling incapable of "acting like an adult" can induce shame, anxiety and low self-esteem. But it's not our fault.

Law and Crime
Is True Crime Too Trendy?

S. Rufus on June 15, 2023

Personal Perspective: Murders committed by true-crime fans, and social-media discussions about Jeffrey Dahmer's sexiness, spark curiosity about why this trend is booming now.

Personal Perspective: Murders committed by true-crime fans, and social-media discussions about Jeffrey Dahmer's sexiness, spark curiosity about why this trend is booming now.

Media
Is Social Media a New Religion?

S. Rufus on November 22, 2022

Personal Perspective: Suffused with secrets, symbols, rites, and deities, social media functions much as religions do.

Personal Perspective: Suffused with secrets, symbols, rites, and deities, social media functions much as religions do.

Friends
Why Is Friendlessness Trending?

S. Rufus on November 3, 2022

Why is #Ihavenofriends such a popular hashtag? Is a defriendification pandemic occurring right before our eyes?

Why is #Ihavenofriends such a popular hashtag? Is a defriendification pandemic occurring right before our eyes?

Media
Self-Hatred Is Unhip

S. Rufus on October 6, 2022

A Personal Perspective: Those who struggle with self-hatred have always felt excluded. Now we feel banished from a society in which we lack the most coveted skill.

A Personal Perspective: Those who struggle with self-hatred have always felt excluded. Now we feel banished from a society in which we lack the most coveted skill.

Anxiety
Did Making Your Anxious Parent Anxious Make You Anxious?

S. Rufus on June 1, 2022

When children realize at an early age that they trigger their parent's anxiety, just by existing, what happens to their own behavior, outlook, and self-esteem?

When children realize at an early age that they trigger their parent's anxiety, just by existing, what happens to their own behavior, outlook, and self-esteem?

Anger
How Much of "You" Isn't Really You?

S. Rufus on May 5, 2022

A Personal Perspective: Some parents wield such power over their children as to confer upon them worldviews, lifestyles, and even entire personalities which later, to those grown-up children, feel false.

A Personal Perspective: Some parents wield such power over their children as to confer upon them worldviews, lifestyles, and even entire personalities which later, to those grown-up children, feel false.

Forgiveness
You Hate Someone. They Die. Now What?

S. Rufus on March 23, 2022

We're expected to mourn the dead, especially those close to us. But sometimes we just can't, and then we blame ourselves for being unable to forgive and forget.

We're expected to mourn the dead, especially those close to us. But sometimes we just can't, and then we blame ourselves for being unable to forgive and forget.

Relationships
Didn't Your Parents Love You?

S. Rufus on March 2, 2022

It's generally assumed that childbirth is an automatic ignition switch for parental love. But in real life, it doesn't always work out that way.

It's generally assumed that childbirth is an automatic ignition switch for parental love. But in real life, it doesn't always work out that way.

Anxiety
Don't Hate Yourself for Hating the Holidays

S. Rufus on December 17, 2021

Typical holiday iconography telegraphs love, joy, togetherness, light, and hope. Only a monster could cringe over that, we tell ourselves. Here's why that's wrong.

Typical holiday iconography telegraphs love, joy, togetherness, light, and hope. Only a monster could cringe over that, we tell ourselves. Here's why that's wrong.

Gratitude
10 Things to Be Thankful for Even If You Hate Yourself

S. Rufus on November 24, 2021

For those who don't believe that they deserve good things, gratitude can be hard to muster on a holiday that's all about being grateful for good things.

For those who don't believe that they deserve good things, gratitude can be hard to muster on a holiday that's all about being grateful for good things.

Media
18 Reasons Why Social Media Makes Us Hate Ourselves

S. Rufus on November 10, 2021

If you're triggered by competition, exposure, judgment, people-pleasing, or performativity, social media is an unsafe realm.

If you're triggered by competition, exposure, judgment, people-pleasing, or performativity, social media is an unsafe realm.

Stress
Does Success Make You Sick?

S. Rufus on October 21, 2021

Were you taught to dread, disdain, and disown your accomplishments? Dissecting those distortions can help defuse them and reopen the path to pride.

Were you taught to dread, disdain, and disown your accomplishments? Dissecting those distortions can help defuse them and reopen the path to pride.