Is Social Media Good for Relationships?

Social media has a dominant presence across the globe—and has forever changed the landscape of human interaction, providing unimagined opportunities for people to connect and share information on virtually every aspect of their lives. Platforms like X (the former Twitter), Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok have not only shaped people’s world views, they are also shaping the way people think about what relationships are and how they’re created.

It's meant to be about connection

Social media platforms were created to increase connections between people. In the late 1980s, the rapid development and availability of digital technology, coupled with the basic human propensity for connection, introduced the world to new ways of communicating through the advent of email, bulletin/message boards, and real-time chatrooms. Today—especially after the experience of worldwide disconnection and isolation due to the COVID-19 pandemic—social media has become for many the primary way to connect.

And that’s true even for couples, who, while experiencing geographical distance, can remain connected and can continue to share experiences with each other through text, direct messaging, video chat, and photo sharing, most of which are enabled by social media. The sense of togetherness fostered by these avenues is further enhanced by the fact that it can all occur in real time.

While social media does have the potential to foster communication, help people share experiences, and promote emotional support (Roberts & David, 2022), there’s reason for concern over its negative effects on relationships as well. So it’s important—for both individuals and professionals—to better understand the role social media plays in couples’ lives. Part of this understanding is looking at how relationships and social media use are connected.

Connecting… to loneliness

Studies show that the connection between social media use and loneliness is a strong one: the more someone uses social media, the higher their feelings of loneliness. This is especially true if that person uses social media passively rather than interactively (Costa et al, 2019).

Online-only relationships can be problematic for a number of reasons, though they do enable emotional connections that produce less loneliness and allow for greater feelings of well-being as long as they involve mostly interactive interactions.

Online and hybrid relationships mirror what we see in real life about couples’ engagement with each other: engagement can be passive as well as active. When connecting through social media is passive, like when individuals read posts or watch others’ videos without interacting, the emotional connection disappears, and the result can be that many people experience a much more pronounced sense of loneliness and a reduced sense of personal well-being.

This can drive social media use into more compulsive behavior, where it becomes the primary interest, creating further conflict in the relationship as the partner is likely to feel neglected and emotionally disconnected (Bouffard et al, 2022).

Not the best way to handle conflict

Social media can also have a tremendous impact on the way couples experience and negotiate conflicts, as well as how they express affection. Resolving conflicts in a relationship involves empathy and the ability to accurately pick up what one’s partner is trying to communicate. Since social media has led to a significant reduction in face-to-face interactions, more and more people are experiencing difficulty with understanding nonverbal cues and other more subtle aspects of communication (O’Day, 2021).

This over-reliance on social technology can undermine how we develop essential interpersonal skills—like the aforementioned empathy and active listening. These skills are vital for healthy relationships and for developing intimacy. When we’re communicating via social media, for example, we aren’t being interrupted or distracted by our partner’s reactions; we can exist in a kind of bubble.

While keeping that distance can be helpful in situations when levels of emotion rise very quickly, it can also be detrimental if it becomes a way of saying what you want to say and not bothering to listen to the responses or reactions of your partner.

Relationship threats—on steroids

Another challenge social media may pose to relationships has to do with trust and privacy. Social media has presented people with numerous opportunities for threats to their relationships, including jealousy, infidelity, and invasion of privacy.

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If there’s already a lack of transparency in a relationship, or if one person chooses to keep their social media life separate from their day-to-day life, it becomes easy for their partner to fear or even assume that activities and communications are happening behind their back. They may see their partner hunched over a computer screen late at night or taking a mobile phone out while in public and feel they’re being excluded, especially when it’s clear that the partner doesn’t want them knowing about their social media interactions.

Social media can also breed other kinds of resentments and jealousies: it’s easy to compare our relationships to those we see on social media platforms. Much of what is posted on social media represents an idealized version of people’s lives and relationships, contributing to unrealistic expectations and standards of self-comparison.

Many people don't realize that posts and images on platforms like Instagram are often curated to create a distorted perception of reality. This often leads individuals to compare their own relationships unfavorably to these unrealistic, idealized posts and images. The constant exposure to (what seems like) so many others’ perfect lives can generate deep feelings of inadequacy and missing-out, fostering dissatisfaction within the relationship and negatively impacting self-esteem (Vogel et al, 2015).

Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, and social media can both enhance and hinder how it develops. Social media can be a useful tool that enables individuals to share their information in a way that fosters transparency and builds trust between partners, and this transparency can play a significant role in reducing jealousy. By posting about their own activities and interactions, partners can keep in touch and involved with each other, thus minimizing the potential for misunderstandings and feelings of jealousy.

Furthermore, many social media platforms allow couples to publicly display their commitment and affection to each other through status updates, photo sharing, and leaving each other supportive comments for all to see. These public displays can help increase feelings of security within the relationship by helping to reassure the partners of their importance and validating the relationship.

It can work—if you make it work

Social media has a profound influence on how we interact and communicate as well as on how we think about and experience our relationships. While it can be a valuable tool for communication and connection, it also poses a number of challenges to privacy, self-perception, and trust. The constant exposure to idealized portrayals of relationships and the constant exposure to unrealistic presentations of other people's lives can create unrealistic expectations for relationships and negatively impact both self-esteem and relationship satisfaction.

In addition, reliance on social media for all our communication can hinder the development of genuine intimacy and necessary interpersonal skills. Successfully navigating social media’s impact on relationships involves being mindful of how it's being used, establishing healthy boundaries, and prioritizing open and honest communication.

If we can recognize, plan for, and communicate around the limitations and potential pitfalls of social media, we can use it to develop stronger and healthier relationships in this digital age.