From Riley to Reality: A Trauma Expert Revisits "Inside Out"

This past week my husband and I introduced our 5-year-old to Inside Out, and then took her to the theater to see Inside Out 2.

I saw the original back in 2015 when I was an associate therapist, and I liked it.

But now, 9 years later, I’m a more seasoned therapist and a (nearly) 6-year parenting veteran.

Because of my background as a therapist, a mother, and someone from a childhood trauma history, I have many thoughts, feelings, and insights about these movies.

So today, I revisit the original Inside Out from the perspective of relational trauma therapist and mother. Then, in my next post, I'll share insights on the sequel.

As someone with a childhood trauma history and as a licensed trauma therapist, I watched the beginning of Inside Out, and felt disconnected from the character Joy, one of the five emotions that control Riley. Joy doesn’t at all feel like the dominant character sitting around my emotional control panel. Not now and not when I was a kid. I think many of us from relational trauma backgrounds might relate to that experience because our early years were likely colored by overwhelm, fear, confusion, and insecure attachments. Research shows that chronic stress (particularly posttraumatic stress disorder) can lead to restricted positive affect access (a.k.a., we have challenges feeling happy emotions, like Joy). If you come from a relational trauma history and Joy felt alien to you, too, know that this is normal. In our later trauma recovery work, finding out what brings us joy is a healing task many of us face.

What felt more accurate to me was imagining Joy having a minor, supporting role, and instead the characters of Anger, Fear, and Sadness at the helm of my emotional control panel. This feeling is backed by research suggesting that anger, sadness, and fear can not only be dominant emotions in a childhood colored by trauma, but can also be predictors of dominant affect in adulthood. If you, too, felt like the “Boss” of your own control panel was not Joy, you’re not alone.

By the time Joy and Sadness start wandering the halls of “long-term memory storage,” and I noticed the dominant color of the memory halls was yellow-tinged, I had the thought that my long-term storage memory halls would likely have been more red, purple, and blue (the corresponding colors of Anger, Fear and Sadness). Studies show traumatic experiences can have long-term cognitive and emotional consequences, including enhanced memory for fear, persistent hyperarousal, and difficulties in regulating fear responses.

Later, when Riley’s mom comes to her bedroom to tuck Riley in and thank her for being happy despite the stress of their family's move (implying that she should continue being that way), my husband and I looked at each other, shaking our heads and mouthing “No." We were on the same wavelength: Let Riley have all of her feelings! It’s OK that she’s unhappy and sad about the move; she gets to grieve that loss. While this gets resolved later, it was a clear-cut moment of “not ideal emotional parenting.”

I'll admit that I bawled when the key lesson emerged: Riley needed to integrate—not reject—Sadness to free herself from emotional numbing and get through the painful experience of the move. Mental health experts understand that robust mental health encompasses a range of emotional experiences, including sadness (and anger, etc), which are part of a fully lived life. Mental health should not be limited to positive affect but should include the ability to manage and integrate all emotions. Cue my tears of joy to see this lesson displayed so vividly in the movie!

I love the concept of core memories and the “Islands of Personality” in Inside Out and yet, again, I think that those of us from relational trauma backgrounds might have “Islands of Personality” shaped by maladaptive thoughts and behaviors versus adaptive ones that our nontraumatized peers might have—islands like “Dissociation Central” or “Workaholism Equals Acceptance Hub” or “Good Girl Gets Love Bayou.” Of course, there could be positive islands like “Animal Lover Island.” But, again, Riley's Islands of Personality were normative, not colored by relational trauma and maladaptive beliefs.

The final point to highlight: In one of the final scenes when a memory ball emerges and it is both yellow and blue, I was thrilled. My daughter exclaimed, “Mom, look! It’s a happysad emotion!” She and I talk about about combo feelings—happysad (like the feeling when I see my daughter's toddler photos: happy because I love her so much and sad those days are over) or scited (credit to Glennon Doyle for this wonderful word illustrating being both excited and scared at once). Research shows us that children (especially older children) and adults can experience mixed emotions in complex situations I love that Inside Out modeled this fact.

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Personally I would have loved to see a purple-and-red ball come rolling out, too, since so many of us from relational trauma backgrounds often use anger as an analgesic emotion (meaning a numbing/feels-better feeling) to cover up the vulnerability and pain of fear, but I digress.

So while I’m no Roger Ebert, rewatching Inside Out for the first time in nine years with a whole lot more education, life, and all-around seasoning, I recommend it, not only to any kiddo but also to adults who need to learn/re-learn foundational emotional lessons that may have been lacking in early childhood.

For those of us from relational trauma backgrounds, realize that, like with so many expressions of the human experience, Inside Out, while wonderful, was also normative. This means it doesn’t necessarily account for the disadvantaged playing field and warped experience those of us from relational trauma backgrounds had compared to non-traumatized peers.