Can Willpower Help You Overcome Social Anxiety?

Whenever I've thought about willpower before, it's been in the context of not doing something. Like not eating that piece of chocolate cake. Or not having that seemingly essential extra cup of coffee. I associated willpower with deprivation. But I've been reading the just-released book, The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Work, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It, by Stanford professor, Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., and my opinion of willpower is improving.

She's changed a lot of my assumptions about willpower. For example, willpower is not always about giving something up. Sometimes willpower can help you move toward something. She writes: "Every willpower challenge requires doing something difficult, whether it's walking away from temptation or not running away from a stressful situation." That made me think about how people with social anxiety use avoidance (running away) as a coping strategy. We turn down opportunities for social events or public speaking. We refrain from offering our opinions in a meeting. We don't ask that person we like out on a date. What if we could use willpower (an instinct she says we all have and can learn to increase) to help us achieve our social goals, to move toward a more fulfilling life?

While I highly recommend you read the whole book, here are a few of her willpower tips that I think will help you in your efforts to overcome social anxiety (or any type of anxiety for that matter):

Manage your resources. We all have what she calls a willpower reserve. It can get depleted, or it can get filled up. Two of the best ways you can make sure you're running on a full willpower battery is to exercise and get enough sleep. While we all know that exercise is good for us, this caught my attention: "A 2010 analysis of ten different studies found that the biggest mood-busting, stress-busting effect came from five-minute doses of exercises, not hour-long sessions." Hmmm...five minutes. I can do that. McGonigal also says to make sure you sleep at least six hours a night (I vote for more!). Sleep deprivation can cause your brain to get stuck in the fight-or-flight mode, which tricks you into thinking there is stuff to worry about when there really isn't.

Muscle Up. Studies have shown that willpower can be strengthened, just like any muscle, with regular training. McGonigal suggests picking any small act--something as simple as opening doors with your non-preferred hand or not crossing your legs when you sit--and do it consistently for a period of time. While these simple tasks don't matter in terms of your larger goals, you're training your brain so it will have stronger willpower when it really counts. McGonigal says that the triviality of these simple willpower exercises actually helps the process, in that the activities require attention, but they're not likely to bring up feelings of deprivation. In essence, you're training your brain to pause before you act.

Motivate Yourself with "Want" Power. Who knew that willpower could be so complex? It's actually made up of three distinct components, each associated with a different part of the brain. Here's the short version: There's "I will" power, which helps you start and stick with stressful tasks; there's "I won't" power, which keeps you from doing things you shouldn't; and lastly, there's "I want" power, the part of your brain that remembers your goals. It makes sense, then, that you want to keep the big-picture payoffs clearly in front of you. For example, let's say your goal is to improve your public speaking. You've joined a Toastmasters group, there's a meeting tonight, but your anxiety is building and you're talking yourself out of going. This is the time to get in touch with your "Want" power. Remind yourself of why this is going to help you in the long run. For example, I've worked with many people who turn down job promotions because public speaking would be involved. I'd suggest keeping a written list of benefits of achieving your goals that you can whip out when needed.

This is just scratching the surface of all The Willpower Instinct has to offer, no matter what your goals entail. I hope I've inspired you to check it out. When I saw it in the bookstore, I couldn't resist buying it. And if you're having an extreme lapse in willpower, all of my books are also for sale on Amazon :)

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