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Persuasion
Influencing Your Way into a Sold-Out Event
Can an influence expert remember to use his own method?
Posted November 27, 2011
Because I'm a motivation expert, people often ask me if I can motivate anyone to do anything I want them to do. I did publish a book this year titled, "Instant Influence: How to Get Anyone to Do Anything-Fast." Usually, I reply with a joke, "Why don't you ask my wife or kids?" The truth of the matter is that I try to use the strategies in my book, however, even I regress to begging and pushing, especially when the stakes are high.
Here's a story of how I found myself in such a situation recently.
My wife has been very interested in becoming a social entrepreneur, especially around health-related issues, which is a nice fit with my expertise in the area of motivation and health behavior change. Our dream was to work together on my wife's business ideas, so when we heard about Startup Weekend (www.startupweekend.com), which is a competition to go from business concept to creation in 54 hours, we jumped at the chance. Basically, the way it works is entrepreneurs pitch their ideas for new companies to a group of engineers, angel investors, computer programmers, designers and mobile web technology experts on a Friday evening, form teams, work on the concept all weekend, and finally, pitch their ideas to judges Sunday evening. The winning team receives fantastic prizes that help it form their company and launch their product. We were so excited! But, when we tried to register for the event, it was sold-out. We got on the waiting list and a few days later, my wife got an email saying she was off the waiting list—she had a spot! Moments later, I got an email saying, sorry, but there's no more room.
So close, but not close enough!
How were we going to actualize our dream of becoming social entrepreneurs together? Surely there had to be one more spot. My emails imploring the organizers to let me in received only the standard, we're sorry—try again next time. So, what was an Instant Influencer to do? What else besides go downtown in person to the site of the event and instantly influence the organizer to let me in. No biggie for an expert like me, right? Well, yes, the method works, but when the stakes are this high, the biggest challenge is to stay focused on the principles that drive it...
1) Acknowledging the other person's freedom of choice (the organizer has the freedom to say yes or no to me)
2) Asking motivational questions like," Why might you decide to open a spot at Startup Weekend for me? (versus "Why can't you let me in?") and
3) Reiterating only what the other person says that works in favor of what you would like to have happen, no matter how small (versus reiterating negative things like, "I understand you're all booked up.").
With a sense of hope, my wife and I went to the event site and asked to speak with the organizer, who we'll call Rick. I started with "Influence 1.0," which are very traditional, but important, strategies, such as having a firm handshake, smiling, making a joke, using first names, praising). But Rick wasn't budging..." Sorry Mike, I don't think I can do it, because we're pretty much full. There has been a huge response and it wouldn't be fair. Not only that but we really don't have the space." So, what did I do? I kicked into high gear, "Influence 2.0"-Instant Influence, right? I wish I had, but I wanted it so much that I defaulted to what we've all mistakenly been taught is motivational or influential and that is pushing, pleading and asking all the wrong questions. I told Rick he just HAD to let me in and that he had to because it would be so important to me and my wife. I started pleading, even saying that I would stand and not eat any of the food (how silly!). I got a little pushy too when I countered his comment about fairness. I told him it would not be unfair to others since I was the very next person on the waiting list. And worst of all, instead of asking him why HE might want to let me in or how HE might benefit from doing so, I asked the immensely ineffective, "But why can't you let me in?" The master of Instant Influence was crumbling before his wife's eyes. Other people began to listen in. And all Rick could say was what he had said from the beginning, "Sorry Mike, I really don't think I can do it." I made one last feeble attempt by giving him my card and asking him to call me if anything changes.
About an hour later, which was now 2 hours before the weekend long event, Rick left me a voice mail. My heart skipped a beat with anticipation that a spot had opened up, but instead the message simply reiterated what he had said before. However, something Rick said at the end of his message triggered new hope in me. He said, "I really don't think it's going to be possible, but you can call me back, if you want." The words, "If you want" reverberated in my head. It was almost painful how my drive and excitement to get into Startup Weekend threw me so far off course from my Instant Influence method, which begins and ends with freedom of choice—if you want. I quickly called Rick back several times, but all I got was his voicemail.
Could Instant Influence work via a message?
Not sure, but it was the only chance I had left.
So I called back and left Rick the following message:
"Hi Rick. Thanks so much for calling me back. And listen, sorry about pushing you before and telling you that you just had to let me in. The importance of the event got the better of me. I, of course, know that whether you let me or anyone else in at this late stage of the game is totally up to you and I can't control that. It's your choice (Instant Influence Principle 1, Freedom of choice, done). But since you kept saying that you're "pretty much full" and that "you didn't think you could let me know, that may mean that there may be some room, some chance. Otherwise, you would have said absolutely, totally full and completely no chance (Instant Influence Principle 3 [Yes, you can play with the order], reiterate what works in your favor). So, my question to you is, 'Why didn't you say that there was absolutely no room?' (Instant Influence Principle 2, ask motivational questions like, 'Why didn't you say definitely not?' instead of what most people ask, which is, 'Why are you saying probably not?'). You don't have to call back, but if you want to, you can. Thanks for trying and, if I don't see you, have a great startup weekend."
Even if I wasn't going to get a spot, it felt good that I rediscovered what I knew to be a better way, despite the fact that it may not work in every last instance.
What happened next, even I didn't anticipate.
Forty-five minutes before the event, I got an email from Rick saying a spot had opened and that he would love to have me join in. Elation! Surprise! Satisfaction! Now, did a spot simply open up because of a cancellation or did I truly influence the organizer? We may never know, but that's ok, because I did all I could to make it happen and that's what really counts.
My wife and I joined a team whose idea focused on public health and we helped shape it into something that we became driven to develop—a mobile application that provides teens with diabetes powerful intrinsic and extrinsic rewards to check their blood sugar regularly and keeps them safe by notifying parents via text when too much time has elapsed without a blood sugar check. It's called ShugaTrak.
I am thrilled to share that our team took 1st prize! We are now finalists in the Global Startup Battle where winners from around the world compete for even bigger prizes!
Now, here's my shameless plug...If you care about a teen who has diabetes (or about any teen or about anyone with diabetes), please take a moment to go to the following link and vote for ShugaTrak in the Global Startup Battle. To do this, please go to http://t.co//lslAuPP and click "Vote Now." The voting ends Monday, November 28th at 11pm PST.
You'll be helping us empower teens to manage their diabetes better and to stay healthy.
Thank you.
