Do You Have a Favorite Family Story?

Stories of the people around us shape our expectations. We hear so many stories these days—celebrity stories on the news, personal stories on social media, and many stories from families. And if we look closely enough at our own families, we may find stories of courage and resilience that help us see our own possibilities. We learn from others in a process psychologist Albert Bandura, PhD, called social modeling (1969).

My father, Frank Dreher, grew up during the Depression on a Kentucky farm. His parents barely scraped by, yet he followed his dream to become a pilot. He was out working in the field one day when he saw a small plane flying overhead. Frank dropped his shovel and ran down the road, arriving at the local airport just as the yellow biplane was landing. He knew pilots would pay a boy twenty-five cents to help tie a plane down—this was a lot of money during the Depression. But it wasn’t the money that drew him there; it was the dream of flying, soaring high and free above the dark Kentucky soil.

Frank’s mother was a devout Catholic who insisted that he become a priest. There were arguments, and when the pressure became too much, he moved away from home into the attic of the Louisville Flying Service. He did odd jobs around the airport and talked to the pilots in the airport coffee shop, where he had his main meal of the day: bean soup with as many crackers as he could manage. The World War I pilots and barnstormers adopted him as one of their own and gave him flying lessons. At age 16, Frank got his pilot’s license and was featured in the Louisville Courier Journal as the youngest pilot in Kentucky. He became a flight instructor, serving in the Army Air Corps during World War II, and later became an Air Force colonel, flying jets and air rescue helicopters. My father’s story has always inspired me to soar above apparent limitations to follow my dreams.

Source: Maureen Buick, used with permission

Author Maureen Buick says that “everyone has a story.” A few years ago, she began searching for her own father’s story, described in her fascinating book, Finding Bomb Boogie: A Daughter’s Search to Rediscover her Father (2023). She knew he had served in the Army Air Corps during World War II. Returning, home, he went to college on the GI bill, married, bought a house with a GI loan, and raised five children. He was intelligent, witty, and kind-hearted, yet beneath the surface there were painful memories, and like many veterans, he used alcohol to self-medicate (Buick, 2023).

After her father’s death, Maureen began searching for more of his story. She learned that her father, Donald L. Hayes, enlisted in the Army Air Corps on August 8, 1940, at age 19, with dreams of becoming a pilot.

But, when an ear infection disqualified him from flight training, he became a tail gunner on a B-17 nicknamed “Bomb Boogie.” On September 6, 1943, on his eleventh mission, he was shot down over France. All ten crewmembers parachuted out and survived. Four of the crew evaded capture, and six became Prisoners of War (POWs). Maureen’s father landed on a German fighter base, was immediately captured, and sent to a POW camp. She and her sister traveled to Germany to the sites listed in his government records but could not find their father’s name on any of the prisoner lists. Returning home, she continued her research until she found a website created by Bill Doubledee in memory of his own father, also a POW. There, she found her father listed as being at Stalag 17B in Krems, Austria. Toward the end of the war in 1945, POW prisoners on Germany’s eastern borders were forced to march west. Her father and another POW escaped while on the march, and a few weeks later, they were reunited with their fellow Americans when the war ended in Europe (Buick, 2024).

Discovering her father’s story gave Maureen Buick a deeper understanding of her father. She recognized his adventurous spirit, teamwork, and greater sense of purpose. After high school graduation, her father had worked as an accountant. Then in 1940, long before Pearl Harbor, he enlisted, venturing into the unknown with a sense of adventure. In the military, he learned to be part of a team. He also found a deeper sense of purpose as he and his buddies worked for a greater cause, to defeat the Nazis. And when he escaped during the Nazi long march, he demonstrated courage and resilience (Buick, 2024).

Source: Maureen Buick / West Portal Press, used with permission

Maureen Buick spent years writing her book, which, she says, increased her love and respect for her father. She became more understanding and less judgmental, realizing how her father, like many other veterans, had turned to alcohol when triggered by war memories and PTSD. She says that now, knowing her father’s story, she has developed a stronger sense of patriotism and is proud of her father for his courage and perseverance in defending freedom. She’s writing a new book about Kurt Kurtenbach, a young American POW who became a leader for other prisoners in the Stalag 17B POW camp (Buick, 2024).

What about you? Is there someone you know that you admire? Someone in your family—a parent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or grandparent whose story inspires you? What character strengths and values (Peterson & Seligman, 2004) did they demonstrate that you’d like to bring more of into your own life today?

This post is for informational purposes and should not substitute for psychotherapy with a qualified professional.© 2024 Diane Dreher, All Rights Reserved.