Saying “No” With Gratitude Can Save You From Anxious Moments

Decision-making can become a process of twists and turns. When presented with a request or question, sometimes even a simple “yes” or “no” answer creates anxiety. Saying “no” to a friend, family member, or workplace colleague may feel especially stressful when you know that the other person expects you to say “yes.” If you begin second-guessing your decision, you often find yourself in a maze of confusing choices with no way out. Saying “no” can be so challenging that some medical students are trained at saying “no” effectively.

At UCLA medical students engage in role-play to practice saying “no” to patients

A group of medical students at the UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine were tutored on saying “no” to patients. These physicians-in-training engaged in role-play to learn how to say “no” to a patient the right way. This training is helpful when patients try to coerce the physician into ordering higher doses of medication. The physicians are trained to use different scenarios to try to convince the patient that a higher dose would be inappropriate, addictive, or unwise (The Right Thing to Say, Hoang, 2023).

Here are five “yes” or “no” scenarios that can trap you if you are not prepared

When we say “yes” instead of “no,” oftentimes we do so out of expediency. This especially occurs when you are over-scheduled, are being pressured, have not had enough sleep, are worried about making a mistake, or fail to trust your instincts. Here's what these scenarios can look like and what you can do in them:

1. You are already over-scheduled. You are asked or invited to an event that you would have liked to attend if you had the time. You may initially have said “yes,” but later realized it’s not possible. You might simply call and say, “How grateful I am that you asked. But I now realize that I am unable to attend. Thank you for understanding.”
2. You are being pressured for an answer. Learn to like the sound of “no” while you practice saying, “Thank you for asking. I will really need to get back to you on this.” If you are pressed further, be firm. “I wish I could tell you now, but I cannot.”
3. You haven’t had enough sleep. Lack of sleep impairs decision-making. (Try these 21 Sleep Tips to Refresh Your Body, Brain, and Gratitude). Determine in advance that you will not make a decision when you are too tired to think clearly.
4. You are worried about making a mistake or disappointing someone. Think back on those times when you found yourself pounding a table and asking: “Why did I say ‘yes’ when I really meant ‘no.’” Write these down. Keep the list posted on your desk.
5. You may be unwilling to trust your instincts. You probably know instinctively when to say “no.” Once you say “no,” simply refuse to second guess yourself.

Saying “yes” when you really mean to say “no” can steal your serenity

When you are conflicted and ignore your instincts, you thwart your serenity. Essentially it is important to be true to yourself. Be grateful for your decisions and even the mistakes you make. Treat each mistake as a learning experience; these are stepping stones to eventual success. Every moment you lose when you are anxious or stressed is a moment you can never retrieve.

^{Copyright Rita Watson, MPH 2023}