Can Money Buy You Love? It Depends What You Buy

Sure, we all know that love is not for sale, and that the most valuable gifts in life are free. But in certain circumstances, as a token of affection, encouragement, and support, a small material gift can be priceless. Research explains.

Source: Carla Cofino Navarro/Pixabay

Talk Is Cheap; Tokens of Affection Are Priceless

Holly S. Howe et al. (2024) in a piece aptly entitled “Money Can Buy Me Love,” investigated how gifts can be a more effective type of social support than conversations.[i] In seven studies, including one involving in-person gifting, they found that bestowing a small material gift such as flowers or a candy bar was more effective in improving the affect of the receiver than having a supportive conversation with a close other. They explained that apparently, in contrast to conversations, gifts are perceived as more receiver-focused because they are done solely to benefit the recipient. They explain that the difference in perceived sacrifice results in gifts being more successful in encouraging emotional recovery than conversations.

Howe et al. explain that gifts are a better process of acute emotional support than conversations because they make support receivers feel more emotionally improved, an effect they explain is mediated by perceptions of sacrifice. Specifically, support receivers view gifts as more receiver-focused than conversations, something most of us can relate to reflecting on receiver response when we have engaged in both types of support.

The prosperity of hospital gift shops is likely a demonstration of the value of gracious gift-giving in support of recovering patients. True, emotional support is a double blessing with both presents and presence, but the value of material support is obvious considering how much more effective it can be as opposed to just having a conversation.

A Gift For All Occasions

Howe et al. note that their research adds to the literature on gifts bestowed as a response to negative experiences rather than in celebration. They note that gifts extended in response to adversity are distinguished from celebratory gifts in several important ways, including the reality that within celebratory contexts, receivers are likely to evaluate gifts on their own merits instead of considering the thoughtfulness of the giver. In contrast, they note that receivers spontaneously consider motives of the giver within the context of emotional support.

In the course of life, there are different types of stressors, each of which may respond better to a different type of response. When it comes to social and emotional support, Howe et al. note that when the goal is to facilitate emotional recovery from an acute stressor, bestowing a gift that prompts a brief smile from a receiver may be the perfect gift for the moment. If this were our goal, consider how differently we might shop for the perfect something. A generic bouquet of flowers or box of candy might not make the cut when we are intentionally thinking through what would be most appropriate or valuable for the receiver—considering his or her circumstance.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

In addition to being the perfect gift for the occasion, also remember that gifts are memorable. They may cost you little but would be priceless to the receiver, who recognizes their value as a sign of your affection, love, and thoughtfulness. Many of us have kept small gifts for decades in remembrance of the significance of the event and what the symbol of affection meant at the time, and still does.

Consider the power of a material gift the next time you want to demonstrate love through thoughtful sacrifice, in addition to supportive conversation. The small token of your affection may be much more valuable than the money you spent and have enduring emotional significance for many years to come.