What Actually Matters in Today's Dating Market

Source: Image by Alice Bitencourt from Pixabay

Dating practices have evolved since the pandemic, impacted by both politics and personal convictions. The result is a pool of daters who are more open-minded about their matches, as evidenced by both empirical and practical research.

Personality Profiles Preferences

Jessica K. De La Mare and Anthony J. Lee (2023) investigated the qualities online daters valued most when selecting potential matches.[i] They showed a sample of online volunteers—comprised of 205 women and 178 men—100 dating profiles which randomly paired facial images with personal descriptions that were pre-rated for perceived personality, and asked participants who they would like to "match" with. Results revealed participant preferences for agreeableness, openness, and extraversion, but not for emotional stability or conscientiousness. The researchers note that if such online preferences translate into durable relationships, this finding could help explain prior research findings of similarities found in established couples.

As a practical matter, survey research adds to these findings by highlighting specific areas of similarity modern daters value.

Contemporary Dating Tips, Traits, and Trends

In November 2022, Match’s Singles in America released its 12th-annual study,[ii] discussing a wide variety of dating trends, such as what users found to be attractive, including “conscious dating” and mental health, and what they did not, which included superficiality and “political misalignment.” They also note the documented allure of inclusivity, acceptance, and open-mindedness.

"Conscious Dating" was defined as considering factors beyond solely physical attraction in order to experience dating as a method of self-exploration, to discover one’s own identity, needs, and behavioral patterns. They note that distance, age, and what they describe as “surface-level attributes” are considered to be less important than traditional authenticity. Modern singles are apparently “dating with intention,” seeking someone with “mindfulness to match.”

Less Is More. When deciding how formal to get on a date, modern daters have relaxed their standards. Match’s study found that 84 percent of singles prefer casual dates over “stuffy wine and dines.” Daters appear to not only prefer dressing casually themselves but appear to have dressed-down expectations, reimagining first dates as an opportunity to meet a new person, as opposed to a stressful, high-pressure requirement to make a good first impression.

Sparks vs. Warming Trends. The Match study found that 49 percent of daters fell in love with someone to whom they were not initially attracted, a figure up from 38 percent in the last decade. Why? Match explains that modern singles are willing to give a relationship more time to consider whether there is a spark.

Pandemic-Inspired Perception of Distance Dating. One interesting finding in the study was that 53 percent of daters said they would be willing to start a relationship with someone who lived over three hours away; only 35 percent expressed such willingness a year earlier. The authors suggest this might be a post-Covid phenomenon, as 33 percent of daters admitted their stance on distance dating changed during the pandemic.

Romancing the Ballot Box. In the words of the Match study results, “voting is hot": 58 percent of respondents believe it is more important than ever to be aware of a partner’s political views. But there's more: 37 percent shared that having too strong an opinion is a deal breaker, 22 percent said it’s a deal breaker if their date didn’t vote in the last election, and 28 percent would not be interested in a partner who isn’t even registered to vote.

What is not highlighted in these results is an overemphasis on physical appearance, which many daters no doubt view as a welcome reprieve from years past. Yet regardless of the extent to which looks still matter at least initially, there is apparently much more to the story. A better awareness of modern dating preferences can inform a more successful approach to mating.

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