Is There a Hidden Message in Your Depression?

Source: Photo by Dev Asangbam on Unsplash

There are times in life when depression knocks on your door. Sometimes, it has a clear trigger; other times, it arrives out of the blue. Like an unwelcome house guest, it lands on your doorstep, lets itself in, and whispers, “Hey, old friend, let’s spend some time together.”

When I was younger, I felt bouts of depression were problematic, warning signs that my life was out of whack. I saw my father wrestle with depression his entire life. Feeling sad or depressed was unacceptable. The best thing we could do was to keep busy and banish sadness by staying in motion.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to appreciate the blues. After all, many beautiful songs, poems, movies, and literature are celebrations of sadness. Without sadness, those creations would not have been possible.

At times, when I set out to “fix” my sadness, I frequently discover no probable cause. On the outside, I have a happy life—a loving partner, a supportive family, and a thriving career. And yet, depression still drops in and lingers from time to time.

Rather than treating depression like a plague, I suggest we accept it and ponder the message it may be trying to convey. (See “The Keys To Understanding High-Functioning Depression”)

Avoiding Sadness and Depression

The other day, I was leading a young adult therapy group in my office when the subject of sadness came up. Unanimously, everyone reported that feelings of sadness or depression triggered bouts of shame and bitter failure. In other words, depression is for losers. Of course, this could result from deceptive social media, perfectionism, the pandemic's isolation, or celebrity culture's rise. It’s hard to say.

But rather than sit with the sadness and explore it, they usually immediately reached for an electronic device to numb and escape it. They play video games, scroll social media, or surf the web until their depression is utterly rejected; trading a moment of peace for the pain of longing.

For them, depression is to be denied, pushed out of consciousness.

Yet depression is often chock full of meaning. It wasn’t until I learned to sit with my sadness and explore my depression that I stopped being controlled by it. Digging in and processing these “forbidden feelings” inspired me to make new choices, pushing me to take risks. It sparked a hunger for change and a wish for deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Natural Times for Sadness or Depression

Sadness denied is at the root of seemingly endless psychosomatic symptoms and a driving force of destructive behaviors, such as self-imposed isolation, self-harm, substance abuse, and addiction.

For those who suffer from crippling depression, there are more medications and interventions than ever before in history. There’s no reason to live with ongoing depression. Yet depression or sadness can’t, and shouldn’t, be eliminated.

Let’s explore some natural life events that may trigger sadness and depression:

1. Grief

Losing a loved one, mourning the past, despairing over a betrayal; the list goes on and on. It’s natural to grieve a loss of any kind. For example, a sick friend, a dance teacher, recently shared with me the grief he feels over the loss of mobility. Other friends grieve the loss of a partner or parent. Life comes with built-in grieving; learning to honor grief can be a doorway to greater emotional freedom and gratitude.

2. Age and Injury

As the body changes, natural limitations come into play. Sometimes, an illness or injury can throw your life off course and trigger depression or waves of sadness. Age and injury awaken us to vulnerability and the fragility of life that we would otherwise ignore.

3. Trauma

The unexpected eventually appears in every life. No matter how we may wish to control all aspects of living, we simply can’t. I recall a devastating car accident I had several years ago that happened on a beautiful summer day. I never saw it coming. The lesson I learned? Take nothing for granted. Even the most cautious and skilled captain doesn’t guarantee smooth sailing.

Processing Sadness and Depression

The first thing I notice about depression or sadness is that both slow me down and force me into a reflective space. I ponder my life choices. I think of loved ones lost or mistakes I have made. I review my bucket list and contemplate my death.

All this can sound, well, depressing. But more often, I emerge from such episodes with greater clarity and gratitude. It is a reminder not to take things for granted and to approach life with more appreciation. (See “Ways To Cure Your Own Depression”)

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The Campaign Against Depression and Sadness

Happiness has become a big business. If you feel sad or depressed, clearly something is wrong with you. I’d like to suggest if you don’t occasionally feel sad or depressed, it may be more likely that something is wrong with you. After all, there are many times in life when feeling sad or depressed is appropriate, necessary, and growth-inducing. (See “Do You Have Depression or Life-Style Fatigue?”)

So the next time you wake to discover sadness at your door, invite it in. Take time for self-reflection; get to know it. Pick up a book of poems, write in your journal, listen to music, or walk by the water. You may emerge from your depressive episode with the relief and clarity that you’ve yearned for.