Connecting in Divisive Times

In these turbulent days, it can be hard to feel heard. Tracking protests on social media made Sophie feel anxious and powerless, but she was unsure where to put her feelings. Her nightmare held up a mirror to her fears, forcing her to confront her situation. At the same time, it offered a path to listen and be heard with love and kindness.

The Dream

Sophie recalled, “In my nightmare, an outside force or entity was surrounding me and holding me from moving or speaking properly. I was trying to scream for help to my youngest son, Daniel. He’s 28, but I think in my dream he was little. The words coming out of my mouth were very slow and stuck. I was struggling so hard to get my cries for help out, but I felt paralyzed. I felt like it was an entity from the dead, which is why it felt so scary to me.”

“I’ve had scary dreams like this before where I felt like a dead person was trying to pull me to that world and I wouldn’t go.”

The Discussion

I began by asking, "You say the force was holding you from moving or speaking. Which was more frightening: being unable to move or unable to speak?"

Sophie responded, "It was very frightening to feel like this scary entity was surrounding me, holding me from moving or speaking properly."

Looking for the situation her dream was reflecting, I offered, "Your description makes me wonder whether you want to say something to someone but feel held back. Has that recently happened?"

Sophie connected. "I’m very upset, sad, and angry about what’s going on in the world. There’s a big increase in antisemitism, which many people aren’t discussing. My family doesn’t like to talk about it, which also makes me upset and angry.

“The other day I was telling my eldest son, Eric, something I heard, and he just wanted to dismiss it. My husband defended him and said I should stop spending so much time on social media and always talking about it.

“On top of that, my daughter is still with the boyfriend none of us love for her. His family has never spoken to us in four years! My daughter and I are now talking to a therapist together, but I still feel stifled in what I say because I don’t want to push her away further.

“Her boyfriend and his family are devout Christians. They aren’t warm to her and I’m wondering whether they don’t love the idea that she’s Jewish, which ties into the other issue I told you about. I don’t understand how, especially with everything that’s going on right now, this isn’t a major red flag for her.”

I observed, “Feeling shut down with your eldest son and husband and stifled with your daughter both illustrate your frustration when you feel ‘held back’ or need to hold yourself back in what you say. The combined frustration and anxiety created the intensity of this dream.

“But the nightmare has an effect. If you aren’t a regular push-back person, the dream will push you even harder. You get pushed—and you push back!

“The outside force or entity that was surrounding you in the dream captures the protesters as an 'outside force.' It also reminds me how your husband joined your son, so together they became the ‘force.’ Of course! They joined forces!”

Wanting to explore the character in the dream, I asked, “Please tell me a few things that come to mind in describing Daniel.”

Sophie answered, “Daniel is very sweet, kind, and loving. He’s a very determined and hardworking young man. He’s also very funny.”

I considered, “By including Daniel in your dream, you remind yourself of the sweet, kind, and loving part of you. In this particular situation, you may not be connected to that part of yourself, because you feel aggravated and frustrated. But Daniel is also ‘very determined and hardworking.’ Plus, he knows how to maintain his humour.

Relationships Essential Reads

Calmness Is the Most Exciting Romantic Experience

When Love Turns to Contempt

“There's no question you are entitled to your voice and your opinions. But we are powerless over changing others! You’ve seen this in both your son, who doesn't want to discuss Israel, and your daughter, who isn't in the same frame as you about her boyfriend.

“Daniel's appearance in the dream provides you with a possible solution.

1. You want to take on being kind and loving. This will mean accepting each of them for their own decision-making and opinions. But . . .
2. You also need Daniel’s determination! That determination will give you your voice. For example, have you pushed back at your husband for involving himself in your discussion with your son? That’s one way to take some power back.

“Accepting others’ space for their own opinions doesn’t mean giving up your own voice. This dream is all about you feeling powerless, so the solutions are all the ways to take your power back while staying kind and loving."

What We Can Learn

Sophie was inspired by her dream to speak with Daniel. She told him her dream, shared her fears and concerns about Israel, and then listened to his solution: to channel her passion into doing something to help, rather than just building anxiety on social media. This conversation gave her a way to express her own voice with love and kindness while allowing her son Eric the space for his own opinion.

This nightmare actually showed the dreamer her own solution, in calling out to her son Daniel. Although the extreme emotions in a nightmare push us to act, they don’t need to trigger extreme actions. Often an analysis of the feelings, actions, and characters in a dream can reveal a path towards communication and connection in divisive times.