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Key points
- Our dreams can help bring our interior conversations out into the open.
- Dreams help get us in touch with our relationship concerns.
- The characters who appear in our dreams are not random and may point us to aspects of ourself.
Getting engaged brings hope and dreams for the future but also requires openness and honesty. Kevin’s dreams allowed him to bring his questions about his relationship out into the open, first with himself and ultimately with his fiancée.
The dream
I was building something for young people in Ghana. Over and over in the dream, things were getting fixed. In fact, anything that was broken was getting fixed.
I had three dreams leading up to the Ghana dream. The first was where Nancy (my fiancée’s mother) was visiting me in my bedroom. She was trying to sleep with me, but I kept refusing.
Then I had a dream in which Carolyn, my fiancée’s cousin, was asking me questions about my relationship. She was trying to protect me.
In the final dream before the Ghana dream, Carolyn’s best friend Lisa was asking me whether I was happy in my relationship.
The discussion
I started by asking about the setting. “Have you been to Ghana before? If yes, what did you do there? Do you like it there?”
Kevin responded, “I lived in Ghana until I was thirteen. I feel like I have a calling there.”
Turning to the plot, I asked, “Were the same things getting fixed over and over, or did new things keep breaking?”
Kevin replied, “It was the same thing getting fixed.”
“Are you doing the fixing, or are you watching others do it?”
Kevin said, “I am doing the fixing. It’s me helping. The people in this dream are young students, hopeful for their life ahead and their dreams. They just needed a little support.”
I inquired, “Is there a problem in your life that needs fixing, and yet each time you think you have dealt with the problem, it seems to reappear?”
Kevin connected. “It seems like I am trying to fix something in the relationship with my fiancée. What I need to figure out is if the thing I am trying to fix is fixable.”
“What is it exactly that you want to fix about your fiancée or the relationship?”
He responded, “I believe it’s about her being open and honest. She doesn’t always tell me everything. I guess this is about loyalty, trust, and communication.”
Then Kevin revealed the crux of the matter. “Last Sunday, my uncle told me that over the New Year, when my fiancée came back from Ghana, she was always at her mum’s house. On New Year’s Day, her ex-husband came to the house with drinks. As they got drinking, it sounded like my fiancée had gotten tipsy. My uncle said she was being flirty with her ex-husband and saying she missed him and more stuff like that.”
I wondered, “Do you know your fiancée to be a cheater?”
He replied, “I don’t know. I can’t even answer that.”
I offered, “Now we understand why you used Ghana in the dream as a way to point yourself to your fiancée and this story! But since you also told me the three dreams before this one, it’s likely that all four dreams are one conversation you are having with yourself.
“Tell me what comes to mind about Nancy. What type of personality does she have?”
Kevin responded, “Nancy is a people-pleaser. She likes hosting social gatherings, and especially for me to buy the vodka. We are very close, but people have warned me to keep a distance and respect.”
“How about Carolyn?”
Kevin responded, “Carolyn trusts easy and loves hard. We are discussing the question of fidelity here, so it’s funny to say this, but actually, Carolyn had a fiancé who she really loved, and he cheated on her. We had some proof, but she was not ready to listen to the truth.”
Finally, I asked, “How would you describe Lisa?”
Kevin said, “Lisa is hardworking and beautiful. She is also very caring and charming. Lisa is from a wonderful family and is looking for the right man.”
I offered, “Your descriptions suggest to me these different people may represent different qualities of your ‘self.’
“As you describe her, Nancy could represent the part of you who likes to please people and party. In the first dream, you reject the idea of embracing this part of yourself.
“Carolyn, on the other hand, is the part of you who can trust easy and love hard. Unfortunately, she loved and trusted to the point where she was unable to see what was happening right under her own nose.
“Finally, in your description of the students, you say, ‘They are young students, hopeful for their life ahead and their dreams. They just needed a little support.’ You, too, are hopeful for your life and dreams ahead with your fiancée. Does that idea resonate with you?”
Kevin answered, “I do connect! This is definitely a learning experience for me, having to potentially face and deal with this horrible news. And here I sit, not sure what to do next.
“But I know for sure I’m not going to throw myself into partying and pleasing like Nancy. I want to face this situation with my fiancée head-on and clear-minded.
“I also don’t want to connect right now to Carolyn, whose fiancé cheated on her and, even with proof, refused to listen to the truth. If my fiancée is a cheater, I want to know. I want to face it, and I want to make my decision based on facts.”
What we can learn
Your dreams can help you recognize your feelings and start to make decisions based on an open conversation with yourself. In fact, this series of dreams led Kevin not only to an open conversation with himself but one with his fiancée as well.
All the elements in your dreams come from your own mind, and as such, may represent parts of you or possibilities you see for yourself. In this way, your dreams continue and clarify the internal conversations that most concern you in your waking life.
