How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

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I recently read a research report on the top 20 worries amongst the population. I was surprised that worrying about whether we worry too much wasn’t even on the list. Everything from getting old, to the illness of a pet, to saving enough money did make the list, however.

Have you ever thought about how much time and energy is devoted to worrying about things that never happen—or those that, even if they did, we couldn’t control them, or we’d know what to do when they actually did happen? For many, the constant state is wondering and worrying about when the other shoe is going to drop. Almost 7 million people are afflicted with generalized anxiety disorder where sometimes just getting through the day is challenging.

Life is going to happen. You are going to age. Your pet will—at some point—get sick and die. Your savings might get depleted when a major unexpected event happens. You might not meet the partner of your dreams. Your money may run out before your rent payment is due. Your health may decline. I’m not saying this to make you more worried; these are facts of life.

When difficult things happen, you have to deal with them. There is no staying in bed and pulling up the covers indefinitely. While it might work for a day, or even two, eventually you have to face whatever is going on and deal with it.

The problem with worrying about it and trying to figure it all out in advance of the actual event, whatever it may be, is that the act of worrying and watching and waiting depletes your mental and physical energy. You are expending negative energy in advance—so when the event occurs and you need all of your resources, you don’t have the ability to deal with things as you would if you had been sleeping, resting, focused on positive things, and overall taking care of yourself.

It becomes a vicious cycle: Worry about it. Wait for it to happen. It may happen—although many things never do—and when it does, “fight or flight” kicks in, and your world becomes centered around whatever you are dealing with in that moment.

Practice bringing yourself back to the present when you do find your mind worrying and wandering and being negative before anything has even happened. Even when something does happen, having an anxiety attack in preparation for dealing with it depletes your reserves.

To turn your attention away from the worry and grab your energy back, the next time you notice negative thoughts coming in, uninvite them! To do this:

1. Notice your triggers; when you worry, do you notice that your hands sweat? Your heart palpitates? Your focus gets bleary? You find yourself ruminating and running the same story over and over? Everyone manifests negativity differently. Discover how your body and mind react, and allow this to be the cue that you need to take action.
2. To interrupt your worried thoughts, imagine as best you can a big red STOP! sign in your mind. STOP those worries from turning over and over again. You might have to bring the STOP sign into focus several times to cease the worried thoughts.
3. Importantly, turn your attention to something positive. Try keeping a "thankful" journal which you can pull out anytime you need to and read what you have that you are thankful for in your life. Have a song that energizes you and makes you happy. Read a poem, or a religious verse, or a letter from a friend you cherish. Have something ready that is a happiness factor for you and once you break the worried cycle of thoughts, you need to replace them with positive things.
4. Consider making a plan. If you do encounter the thing you fear, what will you do about it? Make a list. Find some resources. Talk to someone who has been through it and get ideas. Build an “I’m Ready” box. This is no different than having a plan for emergencies, such as a disaster recovery plan. But once you have your box ready and set, put it away, and don’t even think about it until you need it.
5. Create a “Things to Worry About” box. Use a real shoebox with a slot cut on the top of it. Every time you do find yourself worrying, write down the worry and put it in the box. Decide to forget about it, because it is captured in the box and you can pull it out anytime you need to. However, don’t take them out just yet! At the end of every couple of months, review your worries. Tear up those that never came to fruition and throw them out. Those that might still happen stay in the box.
6. Find things every day that bring you joy. Remember that it is often the little things we cherish most. Turn your attention to these throughout your day whenever you need a boost. Positive energy builds you up; find as much of it as you can, so you are strong and ready when trouble comes along and you need to deal with it.