Period Positive: How to Celebrate Puberty

Mother and daughter

Source: Martin Novak/Shutterstock

We often hear about parents having “the sex talk,” but there shouldn’t be just one talk. Sex talks should be ongoing, and age-appropriate, so children are informed and aware. Our children should understand what an adult body looks like and how it is different from a child’s body.

Conversations about puberty and periods are no different. These conversations will likely come in stages. They may start when young boys and girls notice tampons or maxi pads around the house or on television. Parents can respond with a simple explanation like, “These are used by women after puberty.” If the child sees blood on a tampon, maxi pad, or underwear, more detail can be given, like, “After puberty, when the body is ready, teenage girls and women make a little bit more blood. This blood could help a woman’s body to make a baby, but if it is not needed that month, then the body gets rid of it. It doesn’t hurt.” If the child is a young girl, assure her that it will not happen to her for many years.

Boys should be included in the conversation as well. Menstruation education does not need to be for girls only. Let’s raise boys to be feminists. There is no reason why boys should not know about periods, puberty, and what happens to girls during adolescence, especially since menarche and menstrual management are integral to the health of females.

Studies have shown that puberty education gaps can have serious consequences for an adolescent's decision making about sex, relationships, and family planning; all of which contributes to cycles of early pregnancy, low levels of education, and poor population health outcomes. Girls living in poverty in the United States, or in lower-income countries, may receive little support as they reach menarche, leaving them unprepared or with negative experiences. One in five girls have missed school due to lack of access to period products, often referred to as “period poverty,” which makes period education vital to education of our women overall. Sometimes, schools can help teens with access to period care. (For those of you watching Netflix on repeat this winter, I recommend the Oscar-winning documentary Period. End of Sentence. for a look at how period education and access to sanitary products can be transformative.)

If you are looking for ways to start the conversation with your children, age-appropriate books are a great way to get started. I recommend It’s Not the Stork (age 3+), It’s So Amazing (age 7+), Sex Is a Funny Word (age 9+) and Hello Flo: The Guide, Period (age 10+). I know a lot of women who learned about how to insert a tampon as a teen from the book The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls, but I want to caution that aspects of this book, and the puberty category overall, can be heteronormative (e.g., girls “may begin to notice boys in a whole new way”).

Rituals created within one's family can be a great way to acknowledge and incorporate physical and emotional changes into the history of the family. Perhaps you can mark the occasion with your child by having a First Period gift ready for the big day. I love THINX period panties, which are easy to use and leak-free, and their Fresh Start Kit is great for first periods.

Similarly, a company called Lunar Wild helps parents design a box to celebrate their child’s first menstrual cycle, filled with things such as menstrual pads, candles, literature, jewelry, and a place for the parents to write inspiring letters to their daughter to commemorate the event. I love the idea of parents writing a letter to their daughter, years before the event, on what being a woman means to them and their hopes and dreams for that child. Giving a letter like this to her on the day of the first menses can serve as a powerful, celebratory way to build self-esteem and help create a sex-positive adult.

By opening the lines of period-positive communication, you also create an environment where young girls are comfortable communicating about their menarche. While irregular periods are very normal when puberty starts, girls should be able to let their parents or guardians know if they experience very heavy or painful periods, intense cramps that limit their ability to function and focus at school. Experiencing these symptoms or a very late menses (after age 16) may be worth a visit to the doctor.

The easiest way to create a safe space for open communication with your children is to show comfort and confidence regarding the human body and natural body transitions. Be open about nudity and talking about how and why the body changes, from early on in life. The middle school years are an ideal time for parents to model healthy habits, such as exercising and eating well, and to have discussions with their children about beauty ideals. Parents should take care to model a healthy relationship with their own body, as well as to steer the emphasis on their child’s appearance towards health rather than meeting cultural ideals.

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