Love in the Age of COVID-19

In March of 2020, my friend Miguel and I were on the phone, trying to stay calm but somewhat alarmed at the uncertainty of what might come, as the world was experiencing the start of a pandemic due to the new coronavirus. He was heading back from the office, and I was heading to a yoga class. In NYC, we were at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, which, little to our knowledge, would change the way much of the world does things for some time to come.

He was disappointed because his concert was canceled, although he had the option to live-stream it. I shared with him that although we were at the start of a crisis, New Yorkers appeared to be reacting as if nothing out of the ordinary was occurring. The restaurants were filled to capacity, and as usual for a Thursday night in NYC, bars were full of patrons inside and out, and I could catch glimpses of people conversing outside the bars, smoking their cigarettes, and carrying on as usual. I was surprised that life appeared to be going on this way.

Several months before, China and many countries in Europe were in complete lockdown. Schools, universities, workplaces, and mass transit were shut down in many countries, yet New Yorkers appeared to be unaffected. In Italy, China, and other European countries, people were not allowed to be out on the streets other than to go to grocery stores. Yet, in NYC, when I walked out of my yoga class on a Thursday evening, it was "business as usual."

Miguel was surprised. "How do they decide what gets shut down?" he asked because Mayor DeBlasio had decided to close down concerts and sporting events, yet people were still gathering at bars, pubs, and restaurants. Are we less contagious if we're at a bar than a concert? I had no clue how these things are determined, so I answered, "That's a good question; I'll look it up."

Miguel and I are both singles in NYC. We live alone, go to work, figure out dinner, pleasure, and keep ourselves entertained. For people like us, it's hard to imagine what life is like when our activities get shut down. No concerts, no sporting events, no yoga, no shopping, no bars, and no restaurants. How would people meet their live or online dates?

I suppose it's a good time to connect with people online because hardly anything is opened. New York City is a ghost town. But taking the next step? Should singles wear a facemask on dates even if it obstructs attraction? Should you ask the person you are on a date with whether they are feeling well and then gingerly remain six feet away from them? Never mind sex or one-night stands. There is a lot of information out there now about these types of things. Also, people's physiological, emotional, mental, and spiritual response to the pandemic varies greatly.

I told Miguel that this COVID-19 situation might be a blessing in disguise. I said, "It would be a nice change for people to be hunkered down with their families, to have a forced respite from the chaos, and like in many religious and spiritual traditions, to have time to reflect, atone, or at minimum to hit the "reset" button." He predicted that there would be a baby boom in approximately nine months.

Interestingly, later that evening, I was reading the New Yorker and sent him an article reporting that divorce rates in Wuhan, China (the city where the pandemic is thought to have started), had spiked when people were allowed to return to their normal lives after being quarantined. Some psychoanalysts predicted that being quarantined with someone where problems already existed could be the tipping point for some couples. Other couples might find it hard to engage in sex when stressed. "It's normal; even animals have a hard time mating in captivity," I told Miguel.

Other stories emerged of couples that were quarantined together on a cruise ship after testing positive for COVID-19. For these couples, having the forced time to together seemed to rekindle the flames of intimacy. Perhaps these pivotal moments force us to make hard decisions one way or another. They make us realize that life is short, fragile, and that time is of the essence. And surely, the ramifications of COVID-19 likely test the basic tenets of many marital vows: "I take thee to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part." Those are pretty strong words that surely get put to the test in times of crisis.

Coronavirus Disease 2019 Essential Reads

Update on COVID-19 and How It Changes the Brain

How Political Partisanship Can Be Deadly

Therefore, it is not surprising that during these extreme moments, people will make tough decisions. Whether it is to divorce, marry, have a child, or change their career. Some may take this time as an opportunity to simplify, go inward, reset, and realize what is really important. The other positive side effect of the changes emerging from the COVID-19 quarantines is that the world may need to realize, almost overnight, that we may have to start doing things a different way.

The streets of London, New York City, Milan, and Los Angeles are now generally silent. There are fewer people on the roads, mass transit and industry has been reduced drastically, and people are urged to consume responsibly. Therefore, pollution has also decreased significantly. Perhaps this may also help further convince global economies to consider a different way of doing things—local, simple, and needed. A change that some have slowly been trying to move towards.

If the world's economy is not running on mass consumerism, then what will it be running on? There are lots of ideas floating around, and while it's important to strive to and know the truth, it is also important to stay positive in times like these. Some things will always be needed: care, human services, and creating functionalities that will allow us to have a sustainable existence on Earth or elsewhere.

Our species is tribal, and before we designed complicated infrastructures, we relied on each other. We are hard-wired for love, attachment, and cooperation. Our social connections are central to our well-being and existence. Now we mostly stay connected through our cell phones, FaceTime, Facebook, Instagram, and other apps. This hunkering down because of the virus has also forced many of us to be with our families, because much of our workforce was asked to stay home, and schools are closed. Therefore, families are together, singles must rely on their friends and families, and ultimately, we must all rely on each other. Kindness goes a long way. With that being said, love in the age of COVID-19 is more important than ever, because like in prehistoric times, it was and is what ultimately helps our species thrive and survive.

Here are some helpful tips that can help to cope with these challenging times:

• Try to stick with a wake, sleep, and meal routine.
• Stay connected with friends and family.
• Be grateful and positive.
• Start or continue an exercise and yoga/meditation routine.
• Develop a new and healthy hobby: Take up a new language, learn how to play an instrument, learn how to play cards, or learn about your relationship (check out my "LoveSmart" app).
• Eat healthy.
• Stay hydrated.
• Get sun (at non-peak sun-times.

Be well, be happy, be safe.