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Relationships
Closure Is a Bridge, Not a Door
Closure is embracing life's messiness, accepting unknowns, and moving forward.
Posted September 3, 2024 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- Closure is having the courage to get up every morning and start building a new life.
- Closure is about accepting that sometimes you may never get the answers you seek, and that’s OK.
- Life is messy, emotions are complex, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing.
Many see closure as a complete cleansing, a washing away, and they don’t allow themselves to move on until what is preventing them from moving on has completely dissolved. But if that’s the case, wouldn’t closure stunt growth? Not allowing yourself to push forward until you have resolved the past becomes a fallen domino piece.
According to this definition, closure will keep you closed. Closure isn’t a neatly packaged box tied up with a bow. It’s also not a magical incantation that makes all your pain disappear. We have to redefine closure so it has less power over us and doesn’t become a wall in our healing journey.
Closure is a bridge.
It is having the ability to transition, walking after the expiration. Closure is having the courage to get up every morning and start building a new life. A nonnegotiable to not allow what happened to prevent you from going wherever you were going before the relationship ended. Or head in a new direction after realizing you were headed down a road that wasn’t honest to you. Because relationships can give us blinders.
Closure is acceptance, not a ripping out of a chapter. That piece of your story contributed to your journey and who you are becoming. So it is of tremendous value. Polish—not tarnish. To hope the relationship didn’t happen or push it away is not closure. That is denial—which creates a wall.
The bridge of closure is made with acceptance.
Acceptance Over Resolution: Closure doesn’t mean resolving every issue or answering every question. It’s about accepting that sometimes you may never get the answers you seek, and that’s OK. Closure doesn’t come with a full explanation; the bridge is built as you acknowledge the reality and choose to move forward. If you’re waiting for an explanation, an apology, or anything you can’t give yourself, the only thing you’ll be closing is your fist and heart. Closure requires an opening, and that opening can’t be dependent on anyone else but you.
The bridge of closure is made alone.
Self-Generated Closure: Unlike the popular belief that closure must come from external sources, like an ex-partner or a past friend, closure can only be found within. We have the power to create our closure by understanding our emotions, reflecting on our experiences, and taking responsibility for our healing.
Embracing Change: Closure is deeply connected to the concept of change. It’s about recognizing that life moves on, and we must evolve with it. Closure can be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. Look at it as the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.
The Journey, Not the Destination: Closure is a process, not an event. It’s not something you achieve and then forget about. It’s an ongoing journey of self-discovery and healing. You may revisit certain emotions and memories along the way, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t found closure; it means you’re human.
Realism Over Idealism: Closure is not easy. There is a journey involved. And even at the end of it, you may still feel that things are not closed. And that’s OK. Embrace the imperfections of life and human emotions, and manage your expectations, so you can cope more effectively.
Empowerment: When you find closure within yourself, you take control of your healing process. Relying on yourself for closure, rather than external sources, is liberating, and it gives you more power over your growth.
Resilience Building: Embracing change fosters resilience. Instead of viewing closure as the end of something, frame it as the beginning of personal growth, transformation, healing, a new life, a new love experience, a new narrative, and a new story.
Connection and Community: Healing is not a solitary endeavor. It’s OK to seek support, whether through therapy, friendships, or online communities, as you’re going through this journey. A sense of connection can be beneficial in the closure process.
Life is messy, emotions are complex, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Closure is not about tying up loose ends but about embracing the messiness of life, accepting the unknown, and finding the strength to move forward.
