Is Your Relationship Reciprocal?

Relationships are a fundamental need in life. People in healthy, satisfying interpersonal relationships consistently report they are happier than their counterparts, but just as many are seeking answers to what makes a relationship healthy to begin with.

Reciprocity in relationships

Healthy relationships are built on reciprocity. They are a two-way street, where both partners give and receive support, care, and compromise. Relationships without reciprocity often end up with one partner feeling taken advantage of, used, and burned out.

Relationships need to be balanced, with an equal share of flexibility and accommodation for both parties. Relationships that lack this balance will feel off-kilter, and rightly so—one person is doing the majority of the work, while the other sits back and reaps the rewards.

Each person brings their own unique skills to a relationship. Allowing each individual to have their own strengths and weaknesses is part of a healthy relationship, and, really, without those differences, relationships would just be a long string of boring “sameness.” Unfortunately, those differences, when they play out interpersonally, can also result in negative feelings, making reciprocity all the more important.

Five characteristics of reciprocity in relationships

But what is reciprocity when it comes to relationships? What does it look like in the day-to-day interactions that relationships go through? Understanding how reciprocity plays out in relationships is an important key to building healthier, more enjoyable relationships all around.

Partners are viewed as equals. If one partner is looked upon as superior, a relationship lacks reciprocity. Both people in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship, family, or romantic relationship, must be on equal footing. They should make weighty decisions together, taking each person’s emotions into account and viewing how the decision will affect them as a pair as well as individually.

Competition is not the aim. Healthy relationships may enjoy competition from time to time, but “one-upping” each other is not the end goal. Instead, individuals support each other and celebrate individual wins as a win for the couple as well. Siblings who grew up competing with each other should, as adults, be able to channel that into positive outputs—and rejoice alongside their sibling when success comes their way. Just the same, in a romantic relationship, healthy competition has a place, as long as neither person loses sight of whose team they are on.

Each partner contributes the same amount of energy. Reciprocal relationships should be made up of individuals who are equally invested in making the relationship work. Both people involved should value the other’s opinions, feelings must be mutually respected, and energy levels need to match up. An uneven balance in relationships can lead to one person feeling drained, with little reward for their investment.

Arguments are resolved through compromise. Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship, but they can be managed in a way that each party feels heard and respected. For individual needs to be met in a healthy relationship, there must be a resolution to disagreements—and that resolution should leave both parties feeling as if they made concessions and reached an agreement on how to move forward. If one partner consistently apologizes, takes the blame, and agrees to do things differently, there’s an imbalance that needs to be addressed.

Care and concern are the common denominator. All relationships—whether romantic, platonic, familial, or professional—should be built on mutual positive regard. Each individual in a healthy relationship genuinely cares what happens to their partner—and works hard to ensure those feelings are clearly communicated and experienced. If one individual expresses positive regard with little to none given in return, it quickly disrupts the balance in those relationships.

Reciprocal relationships equal healthy communities

Relationships make our world tick. They are the common thread that interlaces our lives, a language that every human on Earth speaks and understands. When relationships suffer, humanity suffers. Learning how to engage reciprocally with others paves the way for healthier individuals and communities.