Improve Your Kid's Behavior With Games You Already Have

Common games can support children's development if played the right way.

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Building impulse control and communication skills can be fun. And many families probably already have the tools to do it buried somewhere in their closet.

Over the years, I’ve incorporated a number of games into my work with kids that they tend to enjoy. I often try to put some spin on the usual rules that will help kids with behavior management techniques.

While there are great games like the “Ungame” that are specifically designed for this, most people don’t have that lying around. Luckily, I’ve found that almost any game can be played in a more developmentally supportive way, and the added challenge actually enhances the fun for most kids.

I’m sure many therapists use game variations like these, but I find that parents usually have no idea about them. My hope in writing about them is to spread awareness so families can practice skill building games together at home. Here are just a few examples:

Jenga on a TV Tray

This can be especially fun with a group of kids but works just as well one on one. I keep a very cheap and flimsy TV tray in my office. It’s the most unsteady foundation you can imagine, and that’s why it’s perfect for practicing impulse control.

If anyone bumps, kicks, shakes, or otherwise touches the tray in the slightest, that tower is coming down. And if you’re the one that knocked it over, you lose—even if it’s not your turn. I see kids with hyperactivity sit still there and I can almost feel their struggle to hold back the impulses to bounce around. And while it’s important that they can let loose and be themselves in some contexts, this is a good skill for them to build for the times in life when hyperactivity is not appropriate.

For an extra challenge, sometimes I incorporate having to share an “I statement” about feelings before the player can touch the tower. For example, a child might say, “I felt angry last week when my friend pushed me” and then they can take their turn. Or if you really want to get elaborate, you can even take a marker and write a question on each block that the player reads after they pull it, and they have to answer before they can place it back (e.g. “What superpower would you pick and why?”).

Checkers With Silence-Conditional Turn Taking

Although checkers is good for this because of its simplicity, it can be done with almost any turn based game. The rules might be that you’ll play the game with the child, but each time it’s your turn, you won’t make your move until there’s been, say, 10 seconds of silence and stillness. Usually, kids are so invested in wanting the game to continue that they’ll be very motivated to do this.

If the kid can handle it, you could make the rule that they also have to wait for 10 seconds of silence and stillness before they take their turn. But you’ll have to be prepared to undo their move and make them wait again if they break the rule.

Lego With Politeness Rewards

This is another one which can be done one on one but is especially effective in groups. I give the kids some equal number of random Lego pieces from a box and we have a project; for example, each kid is making their version of a rocket ship (not from instructions but from their imagination). I might set a timer for something like 2 minutes, at which point the kids can ask “Can I please have more Lego pieces?”

But when they ask, they have to use appropriate tone, eye contact, and other non-verbal communication. If not, I’ll just ask them to try again. When they get it, I give them 10 more random pieces from the box. Then we repeat the process, with each 2 minute period allowing the kids to earn more pieces and make a more elaborate rocket ship. And seeing their peers get more Lego pieces is a great motivator for pro-social behavior. If I have a group where it’s needed and I think they can handle it, I might also introduce the factor of taking away pieces for behaviors like shouting, throwing, or interrupting.

Make Your Own Variation

These are just a few examples from the myriad of customizations people can utilize to help their particular child build a particular skill. Not only that, but the time spent playing together with a parent or other loved one is often therapeutic in its own way.

Lastly, I hope that parents of children in therapy can keep in mind that while on the surface a counseling session may only seem like it consists of a trivial child’s game, there’s often a lot more to it.