The Search for Happiness

Source: Copyright : Gustavo Frazao

The down side of searching for happiness: Do we understand it? Do we have the ability to reach a state of happiness?

I hate the word happy. I didn’t always feel this way but being happy has become a challenge instead of a conveyance of being in a good mood. The meaning it has taken on for many of us is an unattainable state of hyper-joy that is difficult to reach and unlikely to be maintained as a constant way of life. It sets people up for a sense of failure, low self-esteem, and eventually it can lead to increased risk of depression. Attempts at being happy shouldn’t be a set up to experience failure.

We need to start looking for our individual happiness by thinking “outside the box”. Some of the most common answers to the question “what would make you happy?” are money, an active social life, and good health. The recent death of 2 well known people, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, has led many people to rethink this vision of happiness.

When we think about what would make us happy we should replace our definition with the definition for the word “content.” It’s not that we shouldn’t be happy, it’s just that we can’t be happy all the time. Contentment with the ability to have appropriate emotional responses should be our goal, and one way of attaining this goal is to examine our potential emotional range:

• Do you have the ability to feel bad if something bad happens?
• Do you have the ability to feel good when something good happens?
• Do you spend most of your time somewhere in the middle?

These are very oversimplified questions but people struggling with depression and anxiety have difficulty answering yes to them.

Many people go for a yearly check up even if they are feeling fit and in good health. These physical exams help catch dangerous illnesses at an early stage. If you have difficulty answering yes to these questions then consider a mental health checkup. People struggling with depression and anxiety may have the stamina to push through the illness, but why should they, when there are treatments available?

1. Start with a screening questionnaire, such as the PHQ-9 Depression Scale or GAD-7. (PHQ-9 and GAD-7 scales). Answering these scales once a year is not enough, try doing them every 2-3 months. They’re quick and easy to take.
2. Check in with those close to you–if someone notices you are “not yourself” then take that into consideration. Ask them how so? Is this someone you think can notice a difference? If you don’t have someone close enough to check in with then consider a quarterly check up with a therapist. Not having a personal connection is a strong indicator that some help may be needed.
3. Beware of quick fixes. If you’re reaching for a drink or smoke on a regular basis you may be self medicating. Consider speaking with a professional.
4. A healthy lifestyle is not a quick fix however it does build resilience. Exercising and eating well are helpful unless they are taken to an extreme.
5. If you have reached for something that is life threatening–stop minimizing it. You know if it is dangerous. Chances are that you’ve set the limit for happiness at a quickly attainable level of feeling good that is unable to be sustained. You’ve stumbled onto a high that is as easy to get as ingesting a substance and is unable to be matched by almost anything else, without a lot of effort and work. It’s deadly. Seek out help.
6. Psychiatric medications are not a quick fix. They help you attain a sustainable emotional range that allows you to feel good when you should, bad when you should, and appropriately neutral most of the time. They take time to work and require adjustments. They don’t change your life, they give you potential to experience your emotions in a healthy, balanced way.

The ability to feel happy is something we all should have. Depression and anxiety can stop you from being able to experience happiness in response to something that should make you happy. We know that mental illness can be fatal. Unchecked and untreated it does get worse. We need to think of our mental health in a similar way as we do our physical health. Self-awareness, regular checkups, and appropriate treatments will save lives.