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As you help guide your child through the social-emotional awareness and cognitive skills to enrich their empathy, consider promoting the crucial skill to act on empathetic responses to the needs of others and themselves.
Until I combined my knowledge of neurology with experiences as a teacher, I thought being assertive was similar to being demanding, insistent, bossy or pushy. With more understanding of kids' social-emotional neural development and the increasing demands on these skills, I recognized how interventions could help. Assertiveness skills are about kids' having the confidence and background skills to be proactive, instead of fearful and timid and provide the ability to do or say something when help is needed.
When and how to take positive action
These powers help kids back up their empathy and concern. Their awareness builds comfort about taking positive action when they recognize bullying, confusion, mistreatment directed at them or classmates. Especially important is feeling safe, comfortable, and confident to connect with the appropriate adults, when the situation calls for interventions.
How to build kids' assertiveness
Assertiveness-building experiences activate the brain’s neuroplastic construction of prefrontal cortex executive function skills. These neural networks encompass self-understanding and ways to respond to their concerns for themselves and others actively.
Start with increasing their understanding of assertiveness and empathy. The acquisition of effective social awareness and communication skills, cements their "go to" response, as opposed to fostering the negative, reactive behaviors such as aggression or withdrawal.
From fiction to life experiences
Stories are great discussion openers: For young kids, you can start by guiding them to look at the facial expressions in the books they share and interpret how the person might be feeling and perhaps, what they might need to feel better. Provide experiences evaluating emotional cues—e.g., how a person or character in a story is feeling, and connect that to what actions follow.
Invite your kids to reflect on other people’s perspectives as ways to guide their interactions. Encourage them to discuss and build their own understanding of how to use their assertiveness skills to take care of themselves and others.
Interpersonal experiences
Whether school is in-person or remote, encourage discussions about the things they recognized to make classmates feel better when upset. What things disturbed them about how they or a classmate was treated? You’ll build their recognition of character’s emotions in stories, then of interpersonal interactions, and further on to the value of successfully connecting with the appropriate adults who can help with their or their classmates' distress.
Build their communication skills with appropriate adults
The goal is for them to be comfortable and use effective interpersonal communications to take positive action. Reflect with them when you need to ask appropriate adults for help, clarification, or express concern in a respectful way.
Consider guided play of “what if's". Have your children play a variety of character types and as such, expand their perspectives, empathy, and awareness of times when assertiveness could be valuable (e.g., bullying, rejection when they want to join a game, needing help but afraid to ask).
Discuss situations in which taking assertive actions, such as getting adult help, was a good solution, or could have been one.
- How would it feel if your friend saw that you were confused about how to find the book in the library and helped you ask the teacher for what you needed?
- What could you do if someone treats you or a classmate in unsafe or mean ways?
- Practice saying “No” or “I’ll ask an adult” so they have experience asking for help from an adult in those challenging situations.
Sustain connections
You can guide your children when they make missteps. Be an active listener even when they display exaggeration to get attention. Encourage with “I’m so glad you are letting me know your concerns,” or “What else would you like to say?” or "Is there another way to look at that interaction/argument/situation?"
Your efforts to build your children's skill sets for empathy and assertiveness will increase their abilities to care for and about themselves and others. With these, they will be even more proficient at embracing the challenges and opportunities that lie ahead collaboratively, responsively, and joyfully.
Books
- Research-Based Strategies to Ignite Children Learning: Insights from Neuroscience and the Classroom
- How Your Child Learns Best: Brain-Friendly Strategies You Can Use to Ignite Your Child's Learning and Increase School Success
- Unlock Teen Brainpower: 20 Keys to Boosting Attention, Memory, and Efficiency
References
Research-Based Strategies to Ignite Children Learning: Insights from Neuroscience and the Classroom https://tinyurl.com/rgqqbum
How Your Child Learns Best: Brain-Friendly Strategies You Can Use to Ignite Your Child's Learning and Increase School Success. https://tinyurl.com/y9gbj75l
Unlock Teen Brainpower: 20 Keys to Boosting Attention, Memory, and Efficiency. https://tinyurl.com/ryc98ba
