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Compassion Fatigue
Building Resilience in the Face of Compassion Fatigue
Taking care of your own needs increases your capacity to aid others.
Posted June 15, 2021 Reviewed by Abigail Fagan
Key points
- Self-care can cause feelings of guilt about those who are still suffering, but they don't have to.
- Focusing on the basics of health and wellness increases people's capacity to care for others.
- Social support is a key protector against stress and vicarious trauma.
I recently gave a presentation on compassion fatigue. I discussed how it differs from burnout, what some early warning signs are, and how to treat it. This was to an audience who frequently engages with refugees or other marginalized communities where trauma is rampant. I was surprised by one of the most frequently asked questions which was, “How do I prioritize my own needs when so many are suffering?” I could hear the guilt in their voices at the idea of helping themselves when others are worse off.
I was struck by this question because it reminded me of the great capacity humans have for compassion. Even at their own expense. And those with the biggest hearts are the most likely to suffer compassion fatigue (as explained in part one of this two-part series).
But I’m here to tell you a little secret.
Taking care of yourself will increase your capacity to help people who are suffering. The concern for so many is how to do the greatest good with the tools they have. They don’t want to take time for themselves if it means leaving someone behind. But the wonderful thing is, you don’t have to choose one way or the other because helping yourself will in turn make you even more capable of improving the lives of those around you.
Running yourself ragged for the sake of others speaks to your immense empathy, but that empathy can quickly lead to distress if you neglect your own needs. And the distress will impair the quality of your compassion and care.
If you start to see the early warning signs of compassion fatigue, try one or all of the following resilience boosters:
Identify things you can control. There may be situations beyond your control such as moving, financial strains, family matters, or others. Focus on what is in your power and communicate your needs clearly to those involved. This might mean discussing with your spouse, coworker, or mentor the symptoms of compassion fatigue you’ve been experiencing and your plan to address them. Remind them that addressing your needs will prevent worse outcomes later such as quitting an overwhelming job or mistreating others in your care.
Focus on the basics. Self-care begins with prioritizing the building blocks of health such as adequate sleep, nutrient-dense foods, and exercise. These three things will enhance your energy, sharpen your thinking, and increase your ability to bounce back from stressors.
Detach. Take breaks from aiding the suffering. This means mentally detaching too as you allow yourself to focus on hobbies and leisure. You may feel guilt at first when allowing yourself enjoyment when others are still hurting, but this will make you a more effective advocate long-term. You cannot pour from an empty cup. When you overexert yourself, your empathy and quality of care decrease. Showing compassion to others includes giving them our best selves.
Rely on social support. Strengthening our relationships with others is one of the most protective factors against stress. When we discuss our feelings and experiences with another, it regulates our emotions. Simply describing how we feel lowers our stress response. Our friends and family can offer emotional support, advice, companionship, tangible aid, and encouragement. Researchers found that social support is a crucial factor in bolstering one’s ability to deal with trauma exposure. Relying on social support includes allowing others to help you. Those who are suffering merit your help—be sure to recognize your own deservingness of care.
Think of the why. Compassion satisfaction builds resilience. Focus on the impact your actions have on others and the purpose of your care. Remind yourself of your worth and abilities and be gentle with yourself when you make a mistake. Finding meaning in your care will bring greater satisfaction and gratitude, which in turn, prevents distress and burnout. Grief expert David Kessler said, “After all my years working with the dying and the grieving, I have found that in this lifetime, the ultimate meaning we find is in everyone we have loved.” Never forget that when you aid the suffering, you do great and noble work.
The most important thing you can do is to practice self-compassion. You won’t be able to help everyone, but you can help someone. Allow yourself to have your needs met. Remember, your happiness matters too.
