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You Don't Have to Do What You Love
If you don't "live your dreams," it's not the end of the world.
Posted September 29, 2020
As a psychology professor, something that hits me the hardest is the absolute dread and fear about choosing the perfect career, right away, that radiates from my students. It’s even worse for high school students who take my classes. From what they say to me—in class, outside of class, and in their assignments—they clearly feel enormous pressure to figure out their careers and to make sure they choose something they will love forever and always. And they are terrified of making mistakes.
That pressure is not helpful or realistic.
“I can’t think of anything more completely devastating than having to go to a job I don’t love every day,” one student wrote.
During a lesson on careers and work, another student asked, “Why would anyone do something they don’t love?”
Those students have listened and learned: They understand issues like the psychological effects of job stress and the importance of job satisfaction. They paid attention as we discussed the difference between a job, a career, and a calling: long story short, a calling, work that is integral to your life and identity, what you’re “meant to do,” is ideal.
As important as those issues are, however, students should know that there is another side to the story. Several sides, in fact.
First and foremost, people need income. To suggest that everyone can just do what they love, only working in jobs that fulfill their psychological needs, is unrealistic, at minimum. It’s a privileged perspective that all the “Do what you love!” memes would do well to acknowledge. Sure, those memes inspire people, as they should, but they also shame people who aren’t in love with their jobs … or life.
To do what you love requires access to resources, if nothing else. When my student asked why people wouldn’t do what they love, I didn’t even have to answer; the class did it for me. They pointed out the very real barriers, like cost of education, needing to work multiple jobs just to pay rent, lack of guidance, racism and implicit bias from employers, low pay, and so many more real-life factors that would keep a person from doing what they love.
Plus, career development is a process. Every occupational development theory reflects that. There are usually periods of exploration, decision making, improvement, and stability in these models. The best of these leave room for change.
We teach about careers and work in development classes for a reason. Career development is a process. I understand the fear—careers and work are integral to identity development, and the more time to prepare, plan, and work towards a desired career, the better. But does that mean that all hope is lost if students can’t figure it all out, right now? Or if they try a job and don’t like it? Absolutely not.
Exploration is a key component of many developmental theories, whether focused on identity (e.g., James Marcia), life, and career (e.g., Donald Super), or otherwise. Too much pressure to figure it out too soon could actually harm the process.
Think about the pressure to choose major. There is a reason, I tell my students, that colleges began offering official undeclared majors when I was an undergraduate. Exploration is essential, yet many of my students frame it as a weakness.
Moreover, what about change? This is another area in which my students help me teach. I never have to point this out, as there is always at least one student who is taking my class due to a career shift and who points out the potential for change. And that’s normal! Just as we grow and change, so too do our interests and aspirations.
Successful actors going back to school to be therapists and nurses (hello, Los Angeles), long-time business owners going back to become professors, real estate agents going back to become nurses … you name it, they’re in class and they contribute to it immensely. Some loved their careers and don’t anymore, some found something they loved better, some never loved their careers at all. The point is, as we grow, shift, and change, so too might our careers. In that sense, is there even really a “mistake”?
It feels odd to say this as a psychology professor, but for many reasons, you don’t have to do what you love. I feel comfortable saying that, for psychological purposes, it would be great if you did, but it’s not the end of the world if you don’t. There are many factors, the least of which is economic, that lead people into their careers, loved or otherwise.
And, dare I say it, doing what one loves might bring costs in other areas of life that aren’t worth it. There’s a reason I said “successful actors” above. Trust me, I have a lot of actors in class who will tell you that doing what you love isn’t always worth it if it prevents you from obtaining the basic necessities of life.
“Live your dreams” and all that—I’m not trying to be the repressive parent here. Though parents would probably appreciate it if I point out that there are a lot of ways to do what we love, just not always as a career. I hope everyone can find a career that is unendingly and indescribably fulfilling. But if not, it’s OK. And if it takes time to get there, or a few 180 degree turns, that’s OK, too. It’s a process, after all.
