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Key points
- It is difficult to survive emotionally in a socially distanced world.
- Friendships and connections are more important than ever, making it imperative to reach out and offer help to others.
- The COVID-19 pandemic has shown human nature to be focused on trust and cooperation.
Just over a year ago, the sense of balance that we seek in our lives came under unprecedented pressure with the COVID-19 pandemic. As the virus spread from China around the globe, our personal and public worlds changed in profound and unpredictable ways.
We were advised to remain physically distant from each other, stay at home as much as possible, and wear face coverings in certain settings. Suddenly, our environments were more dangerous and unknowable than before. The future was uncertain. Many suffered greatly.
To compound matters, communicating with other people became a particular challenge. More communication moved online, which brought certain benefits but was also distancing. Face coverings, essential to prevent transmission of the virus, diminished the richness of human contact. Seeing someone’s unmasked face became a moment of intimacy.
Within a few weeks, we discovered how much we rely on lip-reading and facial expression to understand each other. Not only were there anxiety and an increased need to connect, but there were also confusion and slippage of meaning, despite our desire to reach out.
Navigating disconnection
Coping with these circumstances is difficult. Often, relationships sustain us in troubled times, but with COVID-19, other people became the greatest threat of all because they might transmit the virus. The relationships that had structured our lives up to that point were undermined by distance, uncertainty, and fear. Friendships were strained, family members were physically distant. Anxiety was everywhere.
How can we survive emotionally in circumstances such as these when our brains are fundamentally wired to connect with other humans?
Ultimately, despite the fact that the virus is transmitted from person to person, it was soon clear that relationships would lie at the heart of our coping strategies. People found ways to meet up online and, when possible, in person, subject to physical distancing and face coverings. Governments around the world published detailed guidelines that permitted certain activities once we took specific precautions.
Public health officials put their heads together to figure out which gatherings presented high risks and which were less likely to transmit the virus. Schools were cautiously reopened so that children could attend classes and socialize as much as possible, subject to public health guidance.
This was a time when friendships, connections, and relationships became more important than ever, as we adjusted to the strange new world of COVID-19. In the words of the Greek playwright Euripides: "Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness."
Finding a balance of connection
Suddenly there was a new balance to be struck between connection and disconnection as the rules shifted towards online communication and away from face-to-face contact. Negotiating the new landscape was not easy, but sheer necessity forced everyone to look at new ways of connecting with family, friends, colleagues, and even potential partners.
We still reached out, just in different ways.
The key to much of this lay in recognizing the centrality of relationships in supporting each other, accepting new rules of engagement, and valuing in-person meetings more than ever, once appropriate precautions were observed. Humans are adaptable, and while the "new normal" did not seem "normal" to any significant degree, it became workable for many people who sought new means to deepen and refresh their relationships.
In circumstances such as these, relationships matter more than ever, so we should prioritize connections above all else: More effort is needed, but the rewards are greater too.
We are kinder, better people than we think
Many of the challenges that people reported as the pandemic emerged were related to anxiety, fear, and, often, despair. This is a pity. Notwithstanding the pandemic, past decades present myriad reasons to be broadly optimistic about the future.
Our understanding of human nature is evolving, challenging the idea that humans are by nature selfish and governed by self-interest, and focusing on trust and cooperation instead. Our better angels are stronger than we think.
These ideas were largely upheld by the responses to COVID-19. Communities came together. People sang from their windows during quarantine. Despite the pressure, relationships held, connections deepened, and we clapped for frontline workers.
While many of the people I saw as a psychiatrist struggled with anxiety about COVID-19 and the effects of the public health restrictions, they also spoke about mutual support, community initiatives, and the value of reaching out.
These things do not happen on their own. They require investment in relationships and the kinds of robust connections that have sustained human beings for centuries—and will sustain us for centuries more to come.
Connections matter. Relationships matter. Trust is central.
In the words of Epicurus, another of the ancient Greeks: "It is not so much our friends’ help that helps us, as the confidence of their help."
References
Kelly B. The Science of Happiness: The Six Principles of a Happy Life and the Seven Strategies for Achieving It. Dublin: Gill Books, 2021.
