Does All Childhood Sexual Abuse Involve Sexual Grooming?

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Sexual grooming is defined as the deceptive process in which a perpetrator seeks to facilitate sexual contact with a minor while simultaneously avoiding detection and disclosure. While it has been believed that a portion of those who perpetrate childhood sexual abuse (CSA) use these sexual grooming strategies, a new study of over 1000 adult survivors of CSA found that sexual grooming behaviors were reported in 99 percent of the cases, with an average of 14.25 sexual grooming behaviors reported per case.

While the term sexual grooming has been around for a while, there was a lack of consensus and clarity about what it means, and more specifically what it looks like. To overcome this barrier, our team reviewed all existing research to develop, and content validate the sexual grooming model (SGM). Our research shows that sexual grooming encompasses five stages:

1) Victim Selection – the perpetrator selects a child who is vulnerable psychologically or lacks adequate supervision.

2) Gaining Access and Isolation – the perpetrator seeks to gain access to the minor and separate them physically and psychologically from guardians, doing activities alone with them.

3) Trust Development – this is the core of the sexual grooming process, wherein the perpetrator preys on the child’s vulnerabilities, making them feel special, providing them with attention and compliments, playing with them, giving them gifts and privileges, and taking them on trips, and for teens providing them with drugs and or alcohol.

4) Desensitization to Sexual Content and Physical Touch – the perpetrator gradually crosses physical barriers, initially by engaging in seemingly innocent nonsexual touch, but then increasing sexual contact and language, showing pornography, talking about sexual things they did, or asking the child or teen about their own sexual experiences and exposing their own naked body or watching the child undressing.

5) Post-Abuse Maintenance – After the contact sexual abuse occurs, the perpetrator may engage in behaviors that enable them to continue to abuse the child and or maintain secrecy. This includes behaviors such as telling the child that what happened to them was normal, telling them not to tell anyone what happened, or that it is a secret, making them feel responsible for the abuse, or threatening them or their loved ones if they tell.

We also identified 42 different sexual grooming behaviors across all five of these stages of the SGM and a subsequent study identified which of these sexual grooming behaviors were “red flags” or most likely to be reported among those who experienced CSA.

In this latest study, we found that the most frequently reported sexual grooming behaviors included:

• The perpetrator selected a child who was compliant or trusting (68 percent) or had low self-esteem (61 percent)
• Arranging activities alone with the child (57 percent)
• Presenting themselves as nice, charming, likable (70 percent)
• Showing the child large amounts of attention (56 percent) or affection (54 percent)
• Using seemingly innocent touch (51 percent).

There was a wide range in the number of sexual grooming behaviors endorsed, with a few participants reporting no sexual grooming behaviors and some reporting up to 36 (out of a possible 42). The number and type of sexual grooming behaviors vary based upon the characteristics of the victim and perpetrator (male, female, child, adolescent), the perpetrator’s relationship to the child (for example, family member, acquaintance, stranger), and context of the abuse (for example, online, sex trafficking, institutional, in the home).

These findings further show that sexual grooming must be thought of on a continuum as opposed to a dichotomy, that is, whether someone is a “groomer” versus a “non-groomer,” as has been done historically.

These findings also have several implications for the prevention and detection of CSA. Given that almost all CSA involves sexual grooming and most sexual grooming behaviors happen before the contact sexual abuse, understanding and identifying sexual grooming behaviors is integral to preventing CSA.

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1. Currently, 38 states have passed Erin’s Law, which requires age-appropriate sexual abuse prevention education in schools. While all students should receive this information, information about sexual grooming behaviors and specifically red flag behaviors should be included. Children, parents, and those who work with children need to know what sexual grooming behaviors look like, and what to do if potential sexual grooming behaviors are observed.
2. More than two-thirds of those who experienced CSA described themselves as compliant and trusting of others. Adult perpetrators use their authority over children to get children to do what they want and not tell anyone about the abuse. While being compliant and trusting adults can be prosocial for children (that is, children should respect their elders and teachers), guardians and those working with children should teach them about appropriate boundaries with different adults in their lives and the importance of telling someone if these boundaries have been crossed, even if that is an adult that they are supposed to respect and or obey.
3. Contrary to the stranger-danger myth, most perpetrators are known to the child and present themselves in a positive light. It is important to make sure that such stereotypes and biases do not prevent us from identifying boundary-crossing behaviors when they are observed. Just because someone is “a nice guy” or a respected professional doesn’t mean that they also cannot perpetrate abuse as we have seen with Jerry Sandusky and Larry Nassar.
4. Almost two-thirds of the sample in this study reported that they had low self-esteem, putting them at risk for sexual abuse, as perpetrators take advantage of this vulnerability by employing sexual grooming strategies that prey on this vulnerability such as providing attention, compliments, and love. Early identification of children who are struggling emotionally and providing interventions to increase self-esteem can be protective against CSA.
5. Increasingly, states are passing sexual grooming laws. Such laws could prevent abuse, and potential perpetrators can be prosecuted before a child is harmed. Advocating for evidence-based legislation can keep our kids safer.

Child sexual abuse is 100 percent preventable. Given that 99 percent of all childhood sexual abuse involves sexual grooming means that it is an ideal target for prevention. We all have to know what sexual grooming behaviors look like and what to do if we observe them.