3 Steps Parents Can Take to Protect Kids From Sexual Abuse

Alisa Dyson Pixabay

The new year is once again upon us, and many people use this time of year to make resolutions for behavior change. For parents, one of the most important things that we can do for our children is to make sure that we are doing all we can to keep our children safe from sexual abuse.

Sadly, child sexual abuse (CSA) is a pervasive problem with significant long-term negative consequences. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that one in four girls and one in 13 boys will experience CSA by age 18. However, CSA is preventable, and there are steps that parents can take to help minimize the risk for their children.

1. Know the Facts

The best way to protect your children is to know where the dangers lie. There are myths and misperceptions about CSA, and it is important not to fall prey to them. Below are key facts about what is known about those who perpetrate CSA and the behaviors/tactics they employ.

• Only 7 percent of CSA is perpetrated by strangers. Almost all CSA is perpetrated by someone known to the child and family.
• Forty percent of CSA is perpetrated by another youth. This can be a sibling, friend/acquaintance, or girlfriend/boyfriend.
• It is estimated that females perpetrate up to 14 percent of CSA—and this can include teenage girls.
• Almost all CSA involves sexual grooming—it is important for parents to be able to identify red-flag sexual grooming behaviors.
• Perpetrators often also engage in familial sexual grooming so that they can access the minor without detection.
• Recent research suggests that most online CSA is, in fact, not perpetrated by strangers but by someone that the child knows offline.

Parents need to be informed about who perpetrates CSA and the behaviors/tactics they use to prevent and detect CSA before it occurs.

2. Don’t Let Healthy Sexuality Be a Taboo Topic in Your Home

Many parents fear talking to their children about healthy sexuality as it makes them feel uncomfortable, or they worry if they talk about it that, their children will be more sexually promiscuous. In fact, the opposite is true, with research showing that teens who felt comfortable with topics about healthy sexuality delayed intercourse.

Talking about healthy sexuality also promotes body confidence and enables teens to be able to avoid situations that could be abusive or seek adult help if they feel uncomfortable. Experts recommend that parents talk to their children and teenagers about healthy sexuality topics at age-appropriate levels using critical thinking questions. Proactively talking about situations and scenarios that could be risks for sexual violence and how to handle them can help children and teens navigate those situations should they experience them.

Another reason to talk about sexuality in the home is that perpetrators rely on shame and secrecy to be able to continue the abuse and avoid detection. Since sexual grooming is a psychological manipulation of the child, they often feel culpable for the abuse since they did not report it and thus do not disclose it to anyone. One study of men who perpetrated CSA found that perpetrators consciously stayed away from children who knew the correct anatomical names for their sexual organs since it indicated that they talked about those issues with their parents. They would be more likely to get caught.

Many parents rely on schools to teach their children about the birds and the bees, but sadly, only 39 states currently mandate sexual education. Even then, it is often decided upon at the local level so that there is tremendous variability with what children are learning in the United States, with fewer than half of all high school students receiving instruction on all 20 topics identified as essential components of sexual education as identified by the CDC.

Further, not all children are taught sexual abuse prevention in schools. Erin’s Law, which requires schools to teach children, teachers, and parents about CSA prevention, has been passed in 38 states thus far. Research suggests that school-based sexual violence prevention education can increase knowledge and reporting about CSA.

3. Uplift Kids and Make Sure They Have Adequate Supervision

Research consistently shows that perpetrators victimize children who are vulnerable psychologically and physically. In terms of psychological vulnerabilities, perpetrators seek out children and teens who have low self-esteem, feel unloved or unwanted, or are experiencing psychological difficulties. They do so because these are the children who may be most susceptible to sexual grooming strategies.

Perpetrators seek these children and teens out online and in person and then work to make them feel seen, important, and loved. Once the abuse starts, they are less likely to report it because they may fear losing the good parts of the relationship. Children who are disabled or identify as LGBTQIA+ may be particularly at risk as they may feel excluded during adolescence and seek emotional support online, where predators can target them.

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However, given that about one-third or more of CSA takes place within the home, addressing CSA prevention with parents alone is not enough, as some parents may be abusers themselves. Thus, we must uplift our kids and those in our community. Teachers play pivotal roles in identifying at-risk children as they often see children and adolescents on a regular basis. Identifying children who may be struggling emotionally and helping connect them with services and support can go a long way in decreasing risk.

A lack of appropriate supervision is a physical vulnerability for CSA. We have found that the afterschool and summer months are high-risk periods for CSA, and that is when children often lack guardianship as parents have to work and they are not in school. Afterschool programs and discounted or free summer programs/camps can help provide vulnerable children with appropriate supervision; thus, funding such programs should be a societal priority.