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Right before everything changed, a colleague asked if I’d write something about working from home, a tips piece with suggestions for people facing the prospect of finding a way through this new normal, as I’ve been teaching online since 2015 and working remotely full-time since 2017.
I was ready. I popped a headline into the “Untitled document” field. And then one of my kids needed something. I can no longer count the number of times I’ve been interrupted writing this post. Something that could have taken me a couple of hours has taken days. Possibly a week. Probably longer.
For parents who are working from home for the first time during this crisis, it is important to acknowledge that this situation is not typical “work from home.” The rules for working from home say that it works best with good boundaries: A defined workspace, set times for working, scheduled breaks. (I’ll offer a few tips for online meetings, the center of the new work from home life, at the bottom of this post.)
I think that the rules can still apply to people who are working from home without children, and there are quite a few good pieces on how to do this if you’ve never done it before. (Just a sampling—one from the New York Times on working from home if you have a partner and an easily digestible tip list from NPR's Life Kit).
But as a parent of two children (pre-K and 1st grade), I found, quickly, that I broke all the rules. My regular work from home routine became a bizarre #WFH version of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.
On Monday, I called into my regular Zoom meetings from my bedroom floor, using a “desk” I built from three empty plastic bins. By Wednesday, I was sitting on my bed, laptop propped on one plastic bin, as the space that I’d been using on the floor had been taken over and there wasn’t a free moment to relocate the stuff. Upon reflection, I realized that my “background” likely included a voodoo doll my mom had unearthed from her basement. My son joined me for a moment, clothed primarily in a tiger hoodie towel. And on Friday: My daughter, mostly her beautiful head of curly blonde hair and her incessant call of “Mommy!” joined me on camera. For 45 minutes of an hour meeting. Mute and “Turn off camera” became my best friends.
The productivity and mental health impacts of this new reality are tremendous. Personally, I am holding high levels of anxiety for all that I am not able to do effectively, efficiently, or at all. The work I usually do or had planned to be doing at this time still needs to get done, but a thick layer of COVID-19 planning and response has been smeared on top of it.
Emotionally, I am sure I speak for others when I say that managing our work, our children’s 24/7 lives—not to mention educational experiences—and our own well-being is more than we know how to do well. The sadness, uncertainty, worry, and fear that this new state of being brings up keep me up at night. I am sure I’m not alone.
When I moved into a role that opened up my work from home lifestyle, I did it intentionally, with a plan and with full-time childcare.
For many in this new position, this is not a choice, it is a must-do in order to retain employment. No one had time to make a plan, and there is often no childcare option. It may also not maximize your strengths, something many of us rely on as part of our professional lives. There are people running meetings, teaching classes, or trying to pay close attention who have never had to do these things before from behind a screen.
Last Sunday night, a friend who is also a rabbi led a meditation session via Zoom. (I have found mindfulness and meditation to be critically important these past several days and include some resources below that I have benefited from recently.) I wanted to share with you what she asked of us, as I found it helpful and think it fits with finding your way these days. She asked us to think about three things that are bringing you comfort. And then she invited us to release the things that are causing distress.
I keep finding myself in places of distress, trying to do too many things at once, worried about what I’m not doing or what I don’t know. But, as I bring myself back to the things that are bringing me comfort, I do find that I can experience moments of peace, gratitude, and calm.
Tips for Online Meetings:
- Solid or interesting background: You choose. I have a colleague who always sits somewhere in her home where there is an enormous painting of a killer whale. It terrifies me. She really seems to like this spot. Typically, I sit where what is visible behind me is a row of nature photos. It’s personal, but not too personal. Move your laundry piles. Maybe don’t sit on your bed. Minimize clutter and distractions for the person or people who will see you. Just like when you sit in a regular room, your eyes scan to see what’s around you. In a Zoom room, if there are a lot of distractions behind you, the person you’re meeting with will get distracted.
- Introduce your children and/or pets to your colleagues: This has been, until now, a no-no in the online education/meeting space, but at this moment, these beings are truly unable to be invisible. Get them on camera (if they want) and let them see what you're up to. *But not if you’re a therapist or do classified work! This may seem obvious, but there are still situations where boundaries do need to be maintained, even in this new world order. If you do any kind of work that requires utmost confidentiality, ask your clients to be in spaces that are private and find a workspace for yourself that is private.
- Get just as familiar as you need to with the software to get going: This is not the time to need to feel like an expert. If you just need to know how to enter a room and let other people in, learn that. If you need to share documents, learn how to do that. If you need to divide people into groups, or utilize the chat feature, or record the meeting—learn those things. If you’re primarily going to participate in meetings and not lead them, great! Just get in the room and be present. If you typically take notes on paper, keep doing that. If you take notes on the computer, try to get better at clicking back and forth between the Zoom room and wherever you take notes.
- Try not to worry: I know this sounds so ridiculous at this moment of extreme worry. I have a lot of colleagues who are not comfortable in online meetings and spend a lot of time expressing their discomfort. Some truths: If your camera is on, we can probably see you. Check in to be sure people can hear you; audio is temperamental. Otherwise, just be yourself. Wear your professional clothes if that is the most appropriate thing to do. Brush your hair and put on makeup. (When I teach, I always put on lipstick—it helps me feel confident and in charge. This past week, it was messy bun central.) What I mean to say here is that there is enough to worry about right now. Don’t let your Zoom presence be one of them.
Meditation Resources:
Ten Percent Happier Live: Dan Harris brings some of the world’s best meditation teachers online, streaming from their homes to yours, each day at 3 p.m. Eastern live (and accessible any time after that via the link).
Tara Brach, who regularly leads meditation sessions for hundreds in Bethesda, Maryland, is live streaming Wednesday night meditation sessions. 7:30 p.m. Eastern
Insight Timer, a free app, features guided meditations created specifically for this time as well as music to help with sleep, meditations and songs for children, and many options for bells to open and close self-guided meditation.
Copyright 2020 Elana Premack Sandler, All Rights Reserved
