Erase Damaging Family Trauma and Reprogram Your Brain

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What if the early childhood social and emotional programming that got downloaded into your brain is not helping you? Are you simply out of luck? The new science of epigenetics paints a radically different picture.

Work by epigenetics researcher Randy Jirtle and others suggests that environmental exposure and a tendency toward such things as obesity and violence are not necessarily hardwired into us—but may actually be changed.

You just need to know the secret of where to find it and how to install the new download.

You won’t find the program on the shelf at your local computer store or on the internet; it’s a living, breathing program that exists within certain people who act as true benefactors to those around them. The practice that follows is excerpted from my book Clearing Emotional Clutter, which includes several skills for cleansing emotional clutter of all kinds.

Who are these benefactors? How can you identify them? Here are a few qualities to look for:

• Benefactors are people who make you feel good and also safe.
• Benefactors are at ease in their own skin.
• Benefactors smile frequently and truly listen when you speak.
• Benefactors demonstrate empathy—by understanding what others are feeling. They act compassionately and may volunteer or lend a hand when a friend is ill.
• Benefactors are open-minded and not rigidly stuck in their viewpoint or dogma. Benefactors don't exclude or judge someone because of differences in religion, opinion, or politics.
• Benefactors are resilient and forgiving. The ups and downs of life, as well as the injustices that occur, don't leave permanent scars on their psyche. They have learned to accept and forgive.
• Benefactors are supportive and happy for your successes—not jealous or envious. They may act as a resource or mentor in some area of your life.

Positive Brain Reprogramming Practice

Now that you've located the benefactor(s) who possess the new neural programming you want, how do you download it into your own brain?

Step 1: Be aware of any people in your life who are running the old program. You don’t necessarily need to do anything about your relationship with them, but you want to be aware that these people don’t embody what you need. If someone is holding you back, is obviously unsupportive, or is so negative and judgmental that you don’t feel respected and safe, you may need to make an immediate change by limiting contact. That can be different for everyone, but what's important is that you experiment until you find what works for you.

Step 2: Download the benefactor's program. You do that by attuning with them. Our brains have a wonderful ability to experience, or mirror, what others are feeling. This is a natural ability. While this means emulating benefactors, it does not mean giving up your own identity or free will. You remain your own separate, individual self, and you make your own decisions, but you allow yourself to attune to the sense of safety, trust, and compassion that this other person feels and embodies. This lets you experience this upgrade, and you can decide for yourself how it feels and what to do about it.

Step 3: To attune with your benefactor(s), try the following when you are in their presence:

• Set the conscious intention to notice what the benefactor is feeling as you talk or interact.
• Pay special attention to facial expression and body language. It's OK if you experiment with similar body language to see how that makes you feel.
• Allow yourself to have a wide range of emotions and facial expressions as you interact.
• Allow yourself and your body to relax. Take some calming breaths. Notice if this other person has relaxed breathing. It can even help to mirror or match your breath to theirs
• Look around your environment and remind yourself that you are safe. This will quiet your brain's alert and smoke-detector alarm. Repeat this as often as needed. You might even notice something in your space that is pleasant, such as a color, shape, or object.
• Pay attention to the stories a benefactor shares. Notice if these include stories of how others helped this person reach his or her goals, or to overcome obstacles.
• When sharing your own stories, make sure to mention resources and people who helped you.
• As you listen to a benefactor's stories, imagine yourself going through a similar experience. With empathy, notice how it helps you better understand this other person. Notice how a benefactor copes and deals with adversity.
• When leaving, let this person know you enjoyed the meeting. This gives a nice sense of closure and safety as you prepare to leave.

By attuning, you create new neural connections, rewire the brain, and install healthy emotions and feelings of safety. Be patient; you don’t have to be perfect at this. Each time you attune with a benefactor, you can get another program upgrade. You can also practice by running the program when you are with others. Above all, enjoy the process.