How to Create Feelings of Unity in Life, Work, and Politics

President Biden's call for unity in the wake of the assassination attempt on Donald Trump got me thinking. How can we create unity in our lives and our communities, and bridge the gaps between us? How can we "turn down the temperature" and reduce polarization and conflict?

The answer that came to me is a unique principle of persuasion. Specifically, Robert Cialdini has a seventh and lesser-known persuasion principle—aptly called Unity (2016, 2021). As he notes, this principle helps people to feel that others are one of us, and this we-ness establishes a relationship that maximizes favorable treatment. Sounds exactly like what we need in these difficult times, doesn't it?

Cialdini goes on to describe how unity can be created by being together and acting together with others. He also identifies some overlap with two other principles, Liking and Reciprocity. So, let's look at how we can put those into practice to make our lives and our world a better place for us all.

Being Together and Liking

Cialdini (2016, 2021) shares that a major source of unity is our genetic relatedness to one another. We readily connect with others who look like us and have similar genetically influenced opinions (such as with political parties). Nevertheless, sharing things like a hometown or nation, not to mention the fact that we are all part of the human family, is a source of unity as well.

If we're all one big family sharing the planet though, what goes wrong? Well, as I've discussed in a previous post, sometimes it is easier to create unity in one group by highlighting a conflict with someone else. Specifically, when there is a power differential between two or more people (like between politicians and voters), vilifying opponents can be an easy shortcut to unify supporters. That minimizes the feeling of difference within the party or group because the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Unfortunately, however, this can weaken the larger unity of family, country, and world in the process.

Instead, the better approach is to highlight our similarities. We all share communities, nations, and the world. We all share the common, human desires and struggles of living. We all want life, liberty, and the pursuit of our happiness. Whoever aligns with that—and helps others with that—is one of us. So, to unify with someone (or some group) rather than devaluing a third party, focus on communicating the ways you are genuinely aligned and connected with them instead.

Acting Together and Reciprocity

Cialdini (2016, 2021) also shares how unity can be created by acting together in cooperation, mimicry, and reciprocation. People who help each other, work together for a common good, or even celebrate together become more unified. The give-and-take of daily life, over time, binds us together.

Nevertheless, this reciprocal give-and-take can also go wrong. As I've also noted in a previous post, a tit-for-tat approach can lead to cooperation, but it isn't always peaceful. Put simply, we can get stuck in an eye-for-an-eye type of reciprocity with others too. Insults and violence can be met with insults and violence, leading to blindness for everyone involved. This is another shortcut to galvanize one group to get back at another. We're living through this reciprocity-as-revenge scenario in conflicts large and small throughout the world. Unfortunately, making someone else's life worse doesn't make anyone's life better.

The answer to this type of unity is positive reciprocity and cooperation. What can we do for each other, our communities, our nations, and the world at large? Where can we give and share, to begin positive cycles of give-and-take? Thus, to unify with someone in your life or a larger group, find a way to share and cooperate with them. Find something to trade that benefits you both. Look for the win-win scenario and focus on building it together.

After Establishing Unity

Within a unified situation, people are able to calm down and think more clearly. As I have shared in a previous post, they can shift from an automatic and reactionary style of decision-making (system 1) to a more thoughtful and fact-based way of deciding (system 2). This requires a new approach to persuasion and influence too.

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Specifically, a unified and calm person or group requires education, information, and facts. This is known as central route persuasion (as opposed to peripheral route). It is a bit more difficult, requiring actual facts and clear information. Nevertheless, this type of persuasion also creates longer-lasting changes. Thus, a bit more work up front can create positive attitudes and relationships that can be trusted—without endless maintenance, prompting, and monitoring.

In short, this unifying and informing approach lowers the temperature, decreases strife, and gets back to the important issues of life. Instead of conflict with enemies, we unite to debate with family and friends, to find a cooperative path forward. Given that, I hope you can benefit from this persuasive approach, unifying the relationships in your own life. I also hope we can begin to build greater unity with it in our communities, countries, and the world as well.

© 2024 by Jeremy S. Nicholson, M.A., M.S.W., Ph.D. All rights reserved.