5 Tips To Support Children Who Avoid School

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Walk down the halls of any school and you will likely see students struggling with anxiety and social fears. Defined as an intense fear of socializing that results in self-consciousness, avoidance, and negative ideations,⁶ social anxiety disorder impacts 9-12% of children and adolescents⁷ and can lead to generalized anxiety disorders and even suicidal thoughts and behaviors.³ It is considered one of the most common mental health concerns in children² and adolescents.⁵

The DMS-V defined social anxiety as an unreasonable fear in social situations that causes significant levels of emotional distress and disrupts daily functioning.¹ Although it can look different in everyone and varies in intensity, social anxiety typically involves three principal components:

• Physical symptoms
• Cognitive beliefs
• Avoidant behaviors

Physical symptoms associated with social anxiety mirror typical anxious-feelings including fight-flight symptoms, headaches, heart palpitation and nausea. Panic attacks can also occur in more extreme cases of social anxiety.

Cognitive beliefs include an intense and significant fear of being humiliated or embarrassed by peers and/or teachers. This can include excessive worry, negative self-thoughts, and cognitive errors around failure. The common term ANTs, or automatic negative thoughts, are commonly associated with social anxiety.

Avoidance is a critical element of anxiety, including social anxiety. This can include avoiding eye contact, avoiding speaking (i.e., selective mutism), and avoiding people or places⁵. The latter can often lead to relationship difficulties, poor adjustment and increased feelings of loneliness and hopelessness.

Social anxiety is not shyness, introversion or high sensitivity. It happens across settings and in ways unexpected given the age and development of the child.

Common Social Anxiety Triggers at School

Supporting children with social anxiety is essential to keep it from developing into severe cases of school avoidance, generalized anxiety or depression. Understanding common triggers for social anxiety is an excellent place for parents to support their children. The following list includes some of the most common triggers of anxious behaviors and ways to assist children in moving past the negative impact of anxiety.³

Trigger #1: Being watched by others: Walking in front of the class, ordering a meal, talking to the teacher—all of these are occasions when you feel like you’re being watched. For children with social anxiety, few things elicit an anxious response faster. Try the following suggestions to help support your child:

• Teach relaxation strategies to your child. Be sure to include plans for when and how to use these at school.
• Ask teachers to allow your child to give presentations to small groups first. As his or her comfort level increases, more people can be involved in a performance.
• Ask teachers to avoid putting your child on the spot whenever possible.

Trigger #2: Making “small talk”: School and other social situations are filled with “small talk.” For those experiencing social anxiety, this can cause significant anxious-like behaviors. Try the following suggestions to help your child when small talk gets to be too much:

• Before the school year starts, practice conversation skills with your child.
• Ask the teacher how he or she supports oracy development through the curriculum.
• Explicitly teach relationship skills at home and at school. Include the social skill of initiating a conversation in the instruction.

Trigger #3: New environments: Few things are harder than being in a new environment. This is especially true for children with social anxiety. The following suggestions can help make the transition to a unique setting less anxiety-inducing:

• Visit the school with your child before the start of the year, when possible.
• Establish “safe zones” for your child with the school site team.
• After the first day, focus on transitioning the child to school quickly. Limit the amount of time you spend at drop off, even if your child appears to be in some distress. Work with the school to establish a safe person to help you if needed.

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Trigger #4: Using public restrooms: One of the more significant triggers in a new school is the restrooms. The following suggestions may make restroom use easier at school:

• Teach your child where the bathrooms are located and when they can be used before the first day if possible.
• If the child is very afraid of the public restrooms, allow him or her to use one in the nurse’s office until the fear is reduced.
• Talk to your child to find out why he or she is afraid. Then work with the school to address any concerns.

Trigger #5: Performing or speaking: There is a focus on collaboration and presentation skills in schools. This can trigger a variety of anxious behaviors from our children, especially those with social anxiety. The following may help your child master the art of public speaking and performing:

• Ask your child to practice his or her performance (or speech) with you at home first.
• Ask the teacher what the behavioral expectations for presentation are and how often are students reminded.
• Ask the teacher to allow your child to perform in front of a small group first (2-4) before presenting to the entire class.

Social anxiety can be tricky to navigate for parents and educators alike. With planning and a focus on both support and nurturing needed social-emotional skills, children can overcome the negative impacts of social anxiety and re-engage with the education environment. Identifying your child’s triggers and finding ways to nurture emotional skills is a great place to start.