“Cringe” and New Online Forms of Shame

In a recent piece on his YouTube channel, professor of philosophy Hans-Georg Moeller argues that we have seen a recent rise in the use of the word “cringe” to describe a new, online form of embarrassment. Cringe has elements of shame in it, but is distinct in that it is an embarrassment “by proxy.” It is the feeling that you get when you experience someone else who has unintentionally embarrassed themselves through something they have posted online.

It is a form of shame, but one experienced on behalf of others rather than experienced directly through one’s own actions. Moeller compares this to a German term that has also become popular in recent years as well—fremdschämen—which literally refers to “friend shame”—shame for your friends.

Examples of cringe

One of the central examples of cringe that Moeller uses is one from the recent Black Lives Matter protests where a group of white celebrities each recorded short videos of themselves taking account for racism and saying “I’m responsible.” The hallmark of cringe is the fact that the actors were well-intentioned and earnest in their efforts but nonetheless produced something that came across clumsily and cheerily at best. The feeling of cringe is the one where we feel embarrassment and shame on behalf of these actors—they unwittingly brought shame upon themselves and their self-image.

The internet and new kinds of shame

What is unique about this form of shame is that while there is some enjoyment or satisfaction that we get from watching other people’s cringeworthy failures (because it makes us feel superior), there is a latent discomfort in this as well because we recognize that we, too, are vulnerable to this kind of failed self-display in the internet age. In other words, as we increasingly occupy more space online—posting about ourselves as part of the routine of everyday life—we make ourselves vulnerable to inadvertently posting cringeworthy content. In this way, Moeller argues, we risk ruining or damaging our “profile selves,” which are increasingly how we measure and evaluate our self-concept and self-worth.

Cringe as psychological self-discipline

One of the unconscious, psychological effects of cringe is that it works as a kind of disciplining in terms of what and how we post. Cringeworthy material online shows us what not to do and, thus, constantly shapes the parameters of what we should or shouldn’t post. But what makes this more difficult is that we don’t know what will be shameful or cringey until we see it and it has a response online. In previous eras of human life, we had a clearer sense of what might considered shameful public display (e.g., being boorish or arrogant).

In the internet age, however, acting earnestly and out of our self-perceived best interest can unintentionally land us in cringe-and-shame territory, and even damage our reputation indefinitely. What is not cringe today might be cringey tomorrow. It is perhaps no wonder that we also see a rise in public apologies that try to mitigate self-inflicted damages to our public profile and persona.

Avoiding cringe involves online vigilance

One potential effect of online cringe concerns is a greater anxiety around posting and online presentations of self. For those worried about the potential risks of eliciting cringe, they might be much more curatorial in their choices, or follow more conventional “safe” posts.

Moeller argues that profiles and our online posts are “gambles” or bets on the market of social exhibition. They are inherently risky, like the stock market, and can change and fluctuate based on unknown emergent social trends.

As a result, to ensure relevance, and to avoid cringe, means to pay constant attention to your online presentation of self—to update it constantly and be aware of constant trends. In short, managing your online self involves a great deal of labour and attention. Whether this online attention is warranted or whether this vigilance may detract from other areas of life remains an important question.