Transition to Where?

When we want to make a transition, we can get stuck because we’re not sure what we should transition to. We may feel that we’re unhappy in our current situation—in an intimate relationship, in a job, or in school. But we may not know what we want to shift into. If you want to transition but aren’t sure what direction to take, here are some suggestions.

1. Area(s) of Transition. Write down the area(s) in your life in which you’re thinking about making a transition. For instance, you may be thinking about making a change related to your job; perhaps you are under-challenged, or are overworked, or feel unappreciated in your current position. Or none of these, but your job doesn’t feel satisfying.
2. Why Unhappy? Think about why you aren’t happy. Is it in the moment-to-moment aspects of your job? The big picture? The people you’re interacting with? Write down why you think you aren’t happy. Going back to my example from #1 above, if you’re unsatisfied, why—specifically? Is it aspects of the work itself? The interactions with people related to your work? Does the work not feel “important” enough?
3. Think About Fit. Is there a mismatch between what the situation/person is asking of you (or the type of person best suited to the situation) and what you are able or prepared to give?
   1. If so, write down the ways that the fit doesn’t seem to be as good as you’d like. For instance, if you’re not feeling that the work is important enough, then the mismatch may lie between the ultimate purpose of the work, and your wish for the ultimate purpose of work that you do.
   2. Is there a way to make that fit better by shifting something related to (a) you, (b), the other person or the situation, or (c) both? Have you tried to improve the fit?
4. Values. Think about your values.
   1. Write down the top five qualities you value. (If you want to see lists of values to help clarify your most important ones, just do an internet search with the key terms “values list”—there are many online.) For instance, what are your values viz. what you want out of work?
   2. Our values typically influence our sense of “mission”—what we want to do in some area of life that give us some greater sense of overall purpose. That gives us our sense of meaning—that life is worth living. Do your values influence your “mission” or purpose in the area(s) you identified in #1, above? What do you view as your mission or purpose with respect to the area you identified in #1? For instance, what do you want your “mission” to be in your worklife? (Note that for some people, making enough money to pay their bills is the mission.)
5. Goals. Our values, mission, and sense of purpose typically influence our goals—which are the “target” that we shoot for in our day-to-day, week-to-week, month-to-month actions. Based on your answers to #1-4 above, if you could “start over again,” in that area, how would your values, your mission and purpose, influence your goals?

Dr. Robin S. Rosenberg is a clinical psychologist in the San Francisco Bay Area. In addition to her coaching and psychotherapy practices, she writes college level psychology textbooks. She also writes for a general audience using fictional characters—such as superheroes, Harry Potter, and the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo—to illustrate psychological phenomena. Visit her on the web at www.DrRobinRosenberg.com.

Copyright 2015 Robin S. Rosenberg