Verified by 
Adolescence
What Do Adolescents Want When Life Is Difficult for Them?
Caring adults can be a source of support and love in a teenager's life.
Posted July 31, 2024 Reviewed by Davia Sills
Key points
- Adolescence can be a difficult stage when young people struggle with who they are and what they want in life.
- This is a time of fast cars, deaths due to car accidents, substance abuse, suicides, bullies, and breakups.
- Adults can listen with an open heart and not judge adolescents. Let them express how they feel.
- Let them know they can talk and you will always be there for them, no matter what the situation.
Adolescence is a very difficult time in young people’s lives, yet they all seem to struggle through it one way or another. These young men and women are at a stage in their lives where they are trying to figure out who they are, where they are, and what they want to do in their lives. Are they going to college, attending trade school, or doing no school? Are they getting a job, making some money, and perhaps getting more education in the future?
As adults, what can we possibly do to help them at this very difficult time in their lives? What do they want from us, and what do they need from us?
The answer is simple, but sometimes we get so frustrated with them, and they with us, that there seems to be a breakdown in communicating. This is a time when cars are fast, and no one can tell them what to do, especially when drugs or alcohol are available, and they could be around them. This is a time when some young people lose their lives to car accidents, drug overdoses, or too much alcohol. This is a time when the media, phones, and romantic relationships are becoming more and more prevalent.
This is also a time for families to think before they speak, to listen to their teens with an open heart, and to practice patience, as hard as that may be for everyone involved. This is a time to listen to them and allow them to talk and communicate their feelings and thoughts, not a time to criticize them. This is a time to show you trust them and that they can come to you with anything they want to talk about, and you will be there to listen and support them, not judge them.
What teenagers need and want from adults is simply for them to listen and be supportive as they try to figure out what they are thinking about and to help them figure out who they are. As all of you know, this is a difficult time for teens as well as families.
Parents, grandparents, and other caring adults want the best for their young people and often will do anything they can to help them, whether it is financially or giving them advice as to what they should pursue in life, how to act, helping them find a job, trying to fix their problems, protecting them from the world around them, or keeping them from abusing drugs and alcohol.
The media and the computer and some of their friends can sometimes have a lot to do with how they might be thinking. Remember, this is a time when teens talk a lot with each other, get together, and trust what they are saying, and often families are left out.
These are all wonderful things for adolescents to do, but at the same time, they need to be listened to as well as supported. However, what if they were to tell their families what they were really interested in pursuing, and the family was disappointed in their choice because they had other plans for them, such as, perhaps, following in their footsteps and being the success they have become by hard work?
How does the teen interpret their suggestions? The teen could agree and follow their suggestion, or they could pursue what they truly believe is their path. Remember, the adolescent wants to be heard and not told what to do.
Pushing an adolescent to meet expectations could cause a breakdown in communication between the adolescent and the family. Possibly, the adolescent doesn’t feel like they can trust the family with their ideas without getting unsolicited advice and, therefore, doesn’t share their thoughts with their family.
However, adolescence can also be a time for trust and communication with everyone involved and a chance to share ideas, thoughts, and feelings of support.
When a sudden death occurs in their lives, such as a suicide, car accident, or an overdose of drugs or alcohol, who can they go to for support? When their grades are dropping, or they are skipping classes for whatever reason, who can they turn to for support?
The answer is simply to give them what they want, which is to be heard and supported. They need to be able to come to their parents and grandparents and know that whatever is happening in their young life, they are being heard, supported, and not judged.
No one ever said adolescence was an easy time in their lives or their families.
In reality, the transition to adulthood can be a form of grief. This may sound strange, but is it? Think about when a death occurs: There is often confusion, not being able to focus, needing support, and wanting someone to depend on to help you get through this difficult time. A time to talk and a time to be heard, to express how you feel without being told how you should feel. Trusting that there is someone there who can help you through this difficult time. A time when it is OK not to be OK.
Adolescence can be the same way at times. Blessings to those of you who are parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, counselors, and other caring adults as you help our adolescents navigate through these difficult times.
