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How Do You Talk to Your Kids About Unthinkable Events?
How to discuss the attempted assassination of Donald Trump and other traumatic events.
Posted July 15, 2024 Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Key points
- Moms need to share age-appropriate facts with their kids.
- Children are exposed to social media and most times learn about current events without input from parents.
- It's important to learn how to discuss traumatic events with our children.
Nobody ever prepares themselves for this!
How do you talk to your kids about the unthinkable? Discussing traumatic events with their children, like the attempted assassination of Donald Trump that was broadcast on live TV and was seen by millions of children worldwide, is daunting and confusing, and seems to have left many accomplished, successful women at a loss.
In today’s fast-paced, information-saturated world, much too often, our children are exposed to horrific situations before we can help them understand, internalize, and deal with what they just saw with their disbelieving eyes.
As a working mom trying to balance your career and parenting, it's important to approach these conversations with care and sensitivity. Here are some key insights to guide you:
1. Stay Calm: First and foremost, manage your own emotions. Your children will look to you for cues on how to react. I know, easier said than done, but remember that your demeanor sets the tone. Breathe deeply, stay focused on what you think your children need to hear from you, and always remind yourself that you are on candid camera. More than what you share with them, how you do (your tone of voice, your use of exaggerated descriptions) will greatly impact how your children accept and process what happened.
2. Be Honest: When talking about these very emotional topics with your children, try as much as you can to use age-appropriate language. When speaking to your little ones, first hear what they have to say, and then gently correct any misconceptions, making sure not to overwhelm them with too much information. If your older ones are in need of a real heart-to-heart conversation, decide beforehand what you feel comfortable sharing so that their insistent questions won't make you say things you will later regret. For younger children, simple explanations will suffice. Older kids might require more detailed information, and that's OK. You are the expert on your children and will be the one to decide how much to share, when, and why.
3. Validate Feelings: You know how crucial it is to acknowledge your kids' fears and concerns. Try to reassure them it's OK to feel unsettled. It’s natural for children to feel scared, sad, or confused when dealing with unprecedented situations. Let them know that it’s OK to feel these emotions and that you understand them. We are living during very chaotic times, and most adults find it difficult to regulate their own emotions (isn't that true?).
By allowing our children (and ourselves!) to feel comfortable with whatever we are feeling at the moment, we are modeling mature behavior and creating a roadmap for healthy functioning during desperate times. Reflect back their emotions without judgment. Phrases like, “I understand that this is very scary,” can be very reassuring.
4. Keep Usual Routines: Stick to regular routines as much as possible, including mealtimes and bedtimes. Familiar patterns help children feel that life is stable and predictable, even after discussing unsettling topics. By keeping to the familiar and expecting our children to function as they usually do, they will have less time to obsessively stay glued to the news, which is a win-win for everyone.
Encourage normal play and activities, making sure they engage in their usual hobbies, games, and play dates. This will help create a sense of normalcy, despite this very stressful reality. Remember, maintaining routines doesn't mean ignoring what has happened. It's important to balance routine with open communication about the event, allowing your children to express their feelings and ask questions.
5. Monitor Media Exposure: The best way to minimize long-lasting trauma from violent current events is to limit your kids' media consumption to prevent inevitable anxiety. Be mindful of how much exposure your children have to media coverage of the event. Continuous updates and graphic details usually heighten anxiety. Set limits on TV and internet use and do your best to be there for them when they need to process what they’ve seen, heard, and discovered.
Now that you know how to speak to your kids about the assassination attempt (or any other traumatic event), what is the best way to end the conversation so that your kids can feel calmer, clearer, and more secure?
One way to end difficult conversations is to encourage them to ask questions, assuring them that there are no wrong or stupid questions ever! Your children might have many things that bother them as they try to make sense of what they’ve heard. Do your best to answer them with as many facts as you feel they can handle easily. If you don’t know an answer, it’s OK to say so. They will feel more comfortable not having all the answers themselves when they see that you are OK with saying "I don't know."
It is important to invite an open dialogue and reassure them that their concerns matter to you.
Once the conversation draws to a close, it's a great idea to transition to a comforting activity. Reading a beloved book, engaging in a creative project, or simply spending quiet, quality time together can help redirect their thoughts. These activities can provide a sense of normalcy and security after an unsettling conversation. Ending these difficult conversations on a note of calm acceptance and understanding will help them process their feelings and move forward with confidence.
At the end of the day, the most important thing you can do is be there for them. Listen, hug them, and reassure them that they are safe. Your courageous decision not to ignore the scary news, but instead to talk to them and help them put their emotions into words, and to experience this frightening time together with them, is a gift of love.
Isn't that what being a SuperMom is all about?
