What to Do After Someone Yells at You

How to Get Grounded After Someone Yells at You

Source: Adobe/Wasabi Publicity/Nataliia_Trushchenko: Used with Permission

We’ve all been there: the phone rings, and before you know it, the person on the other end is yelling, unhinged, unleashing their frustrations on you. Whether it’s a loved one, a colleague, or even a customer, being yelled at over the phone can feel jarring, overwhelming, and downright draining. After an experience like that, it’s natural to feel shaken and wonder what to do next.

Here’s how I’ve learned to process those moments and reclaim my peace.

Take a Breath and Pause

When someone yells at you, your body immediately kicks into fight-or-flight mode. You might also freeze (an automatic stress response whereby a person becomes immobilized or unable to react when faced with a perceived threat) or fawn (a stress response where a person tries to please or appease others to avoid conflict or harm). Your heart races, your palms might get sweaty, and it feels like your mind is going 100 miles per hour. The first thing you need to do is take a pause. Literally.

After you hang up (or get hung up on), take a deep breath. Inhale through your nose, hold it for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this a few times. This simple action tells your body it’s time to calm down and signals your brain that you’re no longer in an immediate threat, helping you regain clarity.

In moments like this, I always remind myself: Don’t let their energy control yours.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

It’s okay to feel rattled. After someone yells at you, whether it’s justified or not, you’re bound to feel a mix of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, even guilt. Don’t try to brush it off or suppress how you feel. Instead, acknowledge those emotions. Naming what you’re feeling helps you process the situation.

For example, you might say to yourself, “I feel really hurt right now because of how that person spoke to me,” or “I’m angry because I didn’t deserve to be yelled at.” Giving your emotions a name helps you gain control over them.

Don’t Internalize the Anger

When someone is yelling, it’s easy to think, “What did I do wrong?” or “Why are they so mad at me?” While it’s important to reflect on the conversation to see whether there’s something you need to take responsibility for, remember that their anger is their responsibility. People often lash out because they are overwhelmed, stressed, or dealing with their own problems—not because of something you’ve done.

In public relations, I’ve seen this dynamic a lot. Sometimes, clients or media contacts are frustrated by factors outside our control and need to vent. While I may be the person toward whom they direct their anger, I remind myself that it’s often not about me.

Reflect: Is There Any Truth to Their Message?

After you’ve calmed down, it can be helpful to reflect on the content of what was said (minus the yelling). Is there anything valid in their concerns? Even when emotions run high, there may be constructive feedback hidden beneath the outburst.

For example, if the person was upset about a missed deadline or a communication breakdown, it’s worth evaluating whether something can be improved in the future. But remember, the way they communicated their frustration is on them, not you.

Set Boundaries

If being yelled at over the phone happens more than once—or if it’s a pattern with this person—it’s time to set boundaries. Let them know that while you’re open to discussing problems, you will not tolerate being spoken to in that manner.

You might say something like, “I understand you’re upset, but I’d appreciate it if we could talk without raising our voices.” Or, if you need to, you can end the conversation and revisit it later: “I don’t think we’re going to resolve this right now. Let’s continue this discussion when we’re both calmer.”

Setting boundaries not only protects your emotional well-being but also teaches others how to treat you.

Talk to Someone You Trust

Sharing your experience with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can help you process what happened. Sometimes, just talking about it out loud gives you perspective and validation. They might even offer helpful insights or suggestions on handling future interactions with the person who yelled at you.

Anger Essential Reads

The Buddha, Twain, and You: Wisdom for Taming Your Temper

The Best Ways to Manage Anger

In my life, I’ve often found that talking to someone else helps me see things I missed in the heat of the moment. It can also be incredibly comforting to know that someone has your back.

Take Care of Yourself

After a stressful interaction, don’t forget to practice self-care. Personally, I get a massage. It's a great way to get back into the body when you're in a flight-fight-freeze mode. Do something that brings you peace or joy—whether it’s taking a walk, journaling, meditating, or simply listening to your favorite music. Taking care of yourself reminds you that your well-being is a priority, even when others don’t treat you kindly.

Personally, after a tough phone call, I love to take a few minutes to step outside, breathe in some fresh air, and reset my mind.

Let It Go

This one can be hard, but once you’ve processed the event, set boundaries, and reflected on the situation, it’s important to let it go. Holding onto the anger or frustration only keeps you stuck in the moment. By letting it go, you reclaim your peace and power.

One of my favorite mantras is: “I release what I cannot control.” Repeat this to yourself whenever you feel the anger or stress creeping back in.

The bottom line is being yelled at, especially over the phone, can feel deeply unsettling. But by taking a moment to breathe, reflecting on the situation, and setting boundaries, you can regain control of your emotions and protect your mental well-being. Remember, you’re not responsible for how others behave—you’re responsible only for how you respond.

In the end, it’s about prioritizing your peace. And that’s something worth defending.