From FOMO to JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out

Many of us are trapped in a relentless pursuit of the ideal—whether it's the perfect job, relationship, or lifestyle. This constant striving, driven in part by the fear of missing out (FOMO), leaves us feeling as though satisfaction is always just out of reach. We're conditioned to chase, achieve, and measure ourselves against ever-changing perceived standards. We are constantly in the state of “becoming.”

But what if we could shift our perspective? I invite you to explore the concept of "arriving" and discover the joy of missing out (JOMO).

The Constant Pursuit of "Becoming"

The culture of "becoming" is pervasive and deeply ingrained in our society. From childhood, we are conditioned to chase after specific goals and to constantly strive for a better version of ourselves. This pursuit is glorified through various mediums—social media showcases only the highlights of life, while the majority of movies and television series often present idealized narratives that set only a version of reality that is often idealized.

In this unyielding chase, our culture promotes an ideal image of success in every aspect of life, whether it's achieving the perfect job, finding the ideal partner, the newest model of a device, the party that everyone is invited to and we are not, or cultivating the ultimate lifestyle. We're bombarded with messages that we must continually improve and excel in order to be content.

This might be motivating at times—but in our therapy offices, we're seeing more and more people who have been paralyzed by it because the constant pressure of chasing the carrot and “becoming” can lead to significant anxiety and disappointment, stemming from the fear that we are not doing enough, that we might be missing out on crucial experiences, or that we are somehow lagging behind our peers. Even our leisure activities are not spared, with pressures to optimize every aspect of our personal lives.

Many of my clients have confided in me that they sacrifice their precious sleep to cram more tasks into the limited 24 hours we have. Some also share with me that in their race to get to the next shiny object, they lost sight of what actually matters to them and why they are in the race to begin with. As a result, this constant striving sets a societal standard that criticizes and marginalizes those who do not or cannot conform to these idealized expectations.

Finding Joy in "Arriving"

Imagine a shift in focus, where instead of constantly aiming for future goals, we pause, acknowledge our current standing, and feel comfortable, grateful, and content with everything that we already possess—recognizing that, in many ways, we have already "arrived."

Embracing what I call the joy of missing out (JOMO) allows us to appreciate what we have at this moment, seeing the intrinsic value in our existing experiences and relationships. This mindset shift is not about lowering ambition but about finding fulfillment in the present, which can often be overlooked in our pursuit of future goals.

Embracing JOMO can also deepen our connections with our surroundings and others because it creates a mindset that allows us to be more present and genuinely engage with family, friends, and colleagues with whom we want to create more fulfilling bonds and experiences without distraction.

Embrace Realism: Let Go of Idealism

Accepting that we've arrived doesn't mean settling; it means recognizing that perfection doesn’t exist. Accepting imperfection allows us to be kinder to ourselves and others, grow, learn, and form deeper connections. It's through this acceptance that we can appreciate ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships more fully.

Realizing that we are enough, we have enough to help us let go of constant comparison and cherish our unique paths.

Exercise: Reflect on areas in your life that bring you more stress than others and compare them with other areas that you have more ease with. Is there a pattern in each? Are you pursuing perfection unreasonably? How does this pursuit impact your daily life and your relationships?

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The Joy of Missing Out and Building Lasting Connections

Consider this: The solution to what you're missing might not be found in working harder or longer. Perhaps, it lies in acknowledging and grieving the inherent limitations of reality, while nurturing gratitude for the possibilities that do exist and bring fulfillment. As my friend Dr. Megan Fleming often says: "The grass isn't always greener on the other side; it's greener when you water it!" Direct your resources towards what truly matters to you, and watch it flourish.

• Start each day by acknowledging one thing you are grateful for in your current life.
• Make a list of things that you are good at, admired for, or complimented for, and try to nurture those qualities. For example, if you are a great coach, focus on that instead of stressing out about writing a book.
• Maintain a journal where you reflect on your daily experiences. Focus on moments where you felt connected to yourself or others and explore what those moments felt fulfilling. Build on them!
• Make it a habit to send messages of gratitude to people in your life. This could be a simple thank you, a note of appreciation, or a detailed message expressing how much someone means to you.
• Be mindful of the media and content you consume. Choose sources that enrich your life and avoid those that exacerbate feelings of inadequacy or comparison. Focus on content that encourages personal growth and community connection.