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The Chameleon Effect: Why We Mirror Friends and Lovers
Being “in synch” with friends or partners builds trust.
Posted December 21, 2023 Reviewed by Ray Parker
Key points
- The chameleon effect refers to our tendency to mimic the expressions and gestures of others.
- Mirroring others' verbal and nonverbal cues can build rapport and trust in diverse professional settings.
- Salespeople and counselors copy behaviors leading to positive outcomes like client comfort or increased sales.
The chameleon effect describes most people's tendency to mimic or mirror another person's facial expressions, nonverbal behaviors, and verbal expressions. We engage in this behavior without even realizing that we are doing it. The word "chameleon" is a metaphor for a person's ability to reflect another's expressions and mannerisms as if they were blending in with another person's feelings.
The chameleon effect generally positively influences the interrelationship between two people as it leads them to believe that they share similarities and are in sync with one another. Not only do we tend to like people who "get us," but we also trust them more, judge them as more attractive than we otherwise would, and feel more connected to them.
Increase Empathy to Increase Connections
Research shows that most of us naturally mirror others' facial expressions and postures to some extent without even realizing it. In fact, the chameleon effect is considered a type of social glue that keeps us connected to others as it makes us feel that others are more like us than not.
Empathetic people tend to not only pick up on others' feelings more easily than less empathetic people, but they also are more likely to mimic other people more often. Their higher attunement to others' emotions is likely the cause of their increased level of mirroring others.
In situations where we are unsure of ourselves or in new environments, like a job interview or the first day of a new job, we may be more likely to engage in chameleon behaviors to ensure that we look like we fit in and don't stand out in a negative way. The chameleon effect helps us feel part of the group and connect with the person we're mirroring.
In some professional fields, people are trained to mirror others' gestures or use their vocabulary and verbal expressions to build relationships and rapport. The chameleon effect can help clients feel that their counselor understands them when the counselor mirrors the client's body language or reflects what the client says. In sales, the chameleon effect can yield similar results when it can help the salesperson earn another sale.
How Does It Show Up in Our Daily Lives?
Going back to prehistoric times, following another's lead could actually result in positive outcomes in life-or-death situations, such as staying still in the vicinity of a wild animal that could either make you dinner or become your dinner.
Hanging Out With Friends
Today, the chameleon effect influences our behavior when hanging out with friends: We reflect their posture, facial expressions, and energy when sharing about the good or the disappointing things in their lives. Smiling is probably the quintessential example of unintentional mimicry. Human beings are pretty much hardwired to smile when another person smiles at them.
Smiles are super contagious, and research shows that humans judge smiling faces as more attractive and likable than non-smilers.
First Dates and Positive First Impressions
The chameleon effect influences our behavior when meeting new people we want to impress: the head of our company, the big client we're hoping to land, or the first date with the person we've been texting with for weeks. When trying to fit in and be accepted, the chameleon effect can raise our chances of achieving these.
However, research also shows that when our heart rates and skin conductance are in synch with a person we're dating, our attraction to them increases (Prochazkova et al., 2022).
Make It Look Natural to Make It Count
The mimicry occurs without us necessarily realizing it's happening, although there are times that we intentionally try to mimic others' expressions, mannerisms, and postures. There's a saying that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but that's often a case of intentional mimicry to be accepted or liked by the one being imitated.
It's essential, though, to recognize when someone is mirroring you in a natural manner or in a way that you feel is designed to have a particular effect. If the person tries to convince you of something you don't believe to be factual or accurate, then the chameleon effect might fail.
Always trust your gut instincts about others, especially when their behavior or mimicry seems a ploy to get you to like or accept them when otherwise you wouldn't. The chameleon is effective at blending in, but if the other person's behavior "stands out," deception may be at play.
Mimicry With Intention
While the chameleon effect is generally an involuntary process, there are definite benefits to "blending in" with your environment. By attuning to others in your company, you show them that you care about and understand them, deepening the relationship. If you want to feel like you belong or help someone else feel more comfortable, mimicry or mirroring can be effective tools.
References
Prochazkova, E., Sjak-Shie, E., Behrens, F., Lindh, D., & Kret, M. E. (2022). Physiological synchrony is associated with attraction in a blind date setting. Nature Human Behaviour, 6(2), 269-278.
Kulesza, W., Dolinski, D., Muniak, P., Borkowska, J., Bibikova, P., & Grzyb, T. (2023). The chameleon effect in customer relationship management: Experiments on the spillover effects of mimicry in natural settings of a chain hotel and a chain grocery shop. Frontiers in Psychology, 14, 1016125.
