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Key points
- Power over differs from power with.
- Purpose furnishes individuals with power to effect significant change.
- Collaboration is a force for best outcomes.
“Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely,” cautioned 19th century British historian Lord Acton.
Yet in today’s conflict-ridden world, power is king (or queen, as the case may be). Everyone seems to seek power. Societal conditioning urges one to crave it – perhaps even to worship at its altar. The lust for power raises its sometimes-ugly head in politics, finance, family, and all the spaces in between. Even schoolyard dynamics are not exempt. This should come as no surprise. The entertainment industry has the general public cheering on antiheroes in quests for power at any and all cost and so feeds the fire of desire.
Sadly, there is too little thought given to the important questions. What is power? How does one define it? How does one get it and use if effectively to negotiate their best life? There is a misguided sense of what it means to have, hold, or exert power. It’s worth debunking the misconceptions and reframing one’s perspective on power to come to the bargaining table of life with increased constructive power.
Power Over vs Power With
In a world where success is increasingly defined based on a competitive model, it’s perhaps not surprising that most people see power as power over others rather than power with. In fact, the Miriam-Webster dictionary defines power as: “possession of control, authority, or influence over others”—as if one ‘owns’ control over others.
It’s an important distinction to make. In seeking to exert power over others, one misses out on valuable opportunities to find creative solutions that better benefit all. By contrast, in bringing empathy to the table (truly seeking to understand and meet the needs of others) and seeking to find power together (i.e. power with others) one can secure better outcomes, better buy-in, better relationships, and longer-lasting agreements.
Power of Purpose
There is great power in purpose. Tapping into one’s innate gift and using it for the purpose it was intended wields tremendous personal power and the ability to effect profound change and influence in the world. When approaching a negotiation, it serves to ground oneself in a sense of deeper purpose and show up from that place.
Power of Collaboration
Recognizing the power of collaboration opens negotiating parties to opportunities for better outcomes. The power of multiple brains working together, firing ideas off each other, inspiring each other to greater heights is a tremendous advantage in finding best outcomes.
Power of Service
There can be much power in negotiating from a mindset of service. Releasing ego and seeking to serve others changes how one shows up and with it, the dynamic of a negotiation. While it may seem counterintuitive, approaching negotiations (and life) from a place of service to others typically results in getting more for oneself in the process.
Power of Proximity
Being mindful of the power of proximity and curating one’s inner circle is valuable. Surrounding oneself with inspiring people who uplift and encourage others to be the best version of themselves allows one to step into a more powerful version of themself. Culling those who sabotage confidence, create drama, or otherwise drag one down is a worthwhile practice. Best outcomes depend in part on the people one chooses to connect with.
Psychological Power
One’s mindset can either give great power or take it away. Seeking validation externally (as opposed to internally) gives away one’s power. Practicing unconditional self-love allows one to enter any negotiation from a position of unshakable personal power.
Similarly, scarcity mindsets (i.e. there’s a fixed pie and everyone needs to fight to get their piece of it) siphon true power, whereas abundance mindsets (i.e. seeking to expand the pie to best serve all) enhance power.
Power of BATNA
On a practical note, recognizing the power of one’s BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) is a key part of the preparation process for any negotiation. Knowing one’s alternatives in the event the deal at hand doesn’t come together gives great leverage and/or allows a realistic assessment of the edges of one’s resistance point.
Power of High Aspirations and Expectation
Studies suggest that those who set high aspirations get better negotiated outcomes. The law of attraction suggests that one’s genuine expectation of better outcomes will be more likely to attract those results, whereas a belief one can’t secure desired outcomes will tank one’s effectiveness.
Tied to that, fear of success (the oft-ignored sister to fear of failure) can cause self-sabotage. The subconscious fear of what success may mean to one’s current life and relationships can be a major power suck. Marianne Williamson’s famous quote on this is worth a moment’s reflection:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? … Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.”
Role Power
One can bring more (or less) power to a negotiation depending on what role one shows up in. A CEO. can sometimes get more from staff, for example, when they show up as a caring co-worker than when they wave their authority flag. It’s a mistake to assume higher titles will wield more power. In personal relationships as well, one can often get more traction when being intentional about the role one wears in a given negotiation. Choose the role that will secure best outcomes.
It’s never too late to learn how to get and use power effectively. These simple reframes are intended to encourage thinking differently about power and, in so doing, allow one to show up as the most powerful version of oneself in life’s upcoming negotiations.
