Can Microaggressions Be Teachable Moments?

Recently there has been a great deal of attention to words and actions that are described as microaggressions. These are subtle actions or statements that indirectly or unintentionally make someone from a marginalized group feel that he or she is being attacked, insulted, or discriminated against. For example, a white person asking someone with dark skin where he or she is from is an example of a microaggression of the racial variety. To counteract microaggressions, some colleges, universities, and companies have adopted policies that restrict what people can say. Campus speech codes prohibit language deemed to be "offensive," "demeaning," or "intolerant." In this societal discussion, microaggressions are, by definition, directed at people from marginalized groups. Here are a few examples:

1. Assuming someone's race, gender, or sexual orientation.
2. Confusing the names of people who are part of the same minority group.
3. Suggesting that someone is lost or trespassing based on their race.
4. Mistaking someone in a store, hotel, or restaurant for a service worker.
5. Clutching your possessions extra tightly as someone approaches you.
6. Imitating a person's accent or way of speaking.
7. Expecting someone to represent the opinions of an entire minority group.

The focus of the societal discussion of microaggressions focuses on the effect it has on members of marginalized groups. However, microaggressions occur continuously in all our daily interactions, not just those involving people from marginalized groups. People get triggered by certain words that might imply wrongdoing; by being interrupted; or when they feel the other person is not listening to them or being disrespectful. These microaggressions can lead to ruptures in relationships. Most of the time they are not discussed. When they are cumulative, they may lead to distance, seemingly inexplicable hostility, or even violence. In couples and in friendships, these unspoken microaggressions lead to problems that may eventually end the relationship.

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There is a growing literature emphasizing the importance of microaggressions that occur in psychotherapy. Here is an example:

Patient: I didn’t call my clients for over a month and now I may lose them. It’s entirely my fault and now I’m going to pay the price. But on the other hand, I needed to change the day my housekeeper comes and I texted her and said, “If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like you to come on Saturday instead of tomorrow. But if you can’t do it, it’s okay and just forget it.” That’s ridiculous. I should have just said what I needed.

Analyst: Those seem to be opposite ways of dealing with people. It’s like a seesaw and you go from being irresponsible to being over solicitous.

Patient: (Silent)

Analyst: Did I hurt your feelings?

Patient: Calling me “irresponsible” is not very helpful.

The patient got triggered by the word “irresponsible.” He experienced it as a criticism, a microaggression.

Analyst: I thought I was just putting a word on what you were saying yourself.

Patient: It’s not just a word, it’s a criticism.

Analyst: I’m sorry, I thought you were criticizing yourself. You were telling me that you know that neglecting to call your clients might cost you the account.

Patient: I know. But I’m not ready to call it “irresponsible.”

My use of the word “irresponsible” caused a rupture in our connection. But we have been working together a long time, making it possible to identify the trigger quickly and repair it. That is not usually possible outside the treatment room. Ideally in psychotherapy, there is the potential for optimal responsiveness because the therapist is aware of the importance of repairing breaks in empathic attunement. Would it have been better if I did not use the word “irresponsible”? I do not think so. I think the process of repairing ruptures in psychotherapy fosters trust and resilience.

Can this model be applied outside the treatment room, perhaps in colleges? Instead of forbidding the use of certain words and punishing people who use them unintentionally, is it possible to create an environment in which triggering events are worked through? With the proper training, it is possible for colleges to train professors to facilitate working through a triggering experience rather than making rules to try to prevent it from happening (which is impossible) or punishing the person who unintentionally triggers someone.